


Wherever you stray, I follow

by AnotherUsernameIllForget



Category: The Prom - Sklar/Beguelin/Martin
Genre: Camping, F/F, Kinda I guess???, Origin Story, School Trip, amiright, bc who doesnt love a slow burn, definitely not canon but also kinda could be canon, fun ensues as always, if u really wanted it to, itsa slow burn, not sure
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-16
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:27:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 22,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28099191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnotherUsernameIllForget/pseuds/AnotherUsernameIllForget
Summary: She braced herself for the inevitable insult or projectile thrown at her, but nothing came, not even the sound of retreating footsteps.She looked up, curiosity getting the better of her, and was met instead by Alyssa Greene, standing like a deer in the headlights at the entrance to the tent, her mouth slightly open as if she had been about to say something.orEmma and Alyssa are both dreading the annual senior camping trip for different reasons, but when they find themselves assigned to the same tent, they both realise that maybe its not going to be as bad as they first thought.
Relationships: Alyssa Greene/Emma Nolan
Comments: 77
Kudos: 189





	1. Friday

**Author's Note:**

> Hey pals, I hope you're all well and thriving in this post-Prom movie world. Looks like I'm back on my bullshit again with another multi-chapter fic that I'm gonna spend way too long on when I should be focusing on the essay I need to write. 
> 
> Anyways, hope you guys enjoy the first instalment, and be sure to let me know what you think!! Honestly people's comments always fuel me to write faster, plus its always super nice to see what you guys think, or what you'd like to see!!
> 
> *Small disclaimer* I'm planning on sticking with writing the characters as they are in the OBC rather than the movie, just bc I'm more comfortable writing them and also I vibe more with OBC Emma's characterisation, so if any descriptions or anything seem off or different to the movie pls just disregard them if you're not familiar with the OBC!!
> 
> TW for general bullying, mild homophobic insults, mention of underage drinking, and some bad language

Alyssa Greene hated camping, not that she’d had that much experience with it.

Her parents had taken her once when she was a kid, spending the whole week arguing over where to pitch the tent, how to pitch the tent, and then whose fault it was when the tent inevitably fell down. 

She didn’t remember much from that week, but she did remember the shouts, the hushed voices, and the feeling of being cold, wet, and alone, something she would forever associate with even the idea of camping.

Still, the senior camping weekend was a tradition at James Madison High and traditions had to be honoured, especially by the head of the student council. 

So Alyssa had gritted her teeth and helped plan the weekend, trying to feign enthusiasm whenever her mother, as head of the PTA, spoke excitedly about budgeting or how much fun they were all going to have around the campfire. 

Or whatever you were supposed to do when you went camping without your soon to be divorced parents.

On the first day of the trip though, Alyssa knew she would rather be anywhere but the parking lot of James Madison, standing in front of a bus that was soon to be packed with a load of her sweaty classmates. 

The doors opened and Principal Hawkins started ushering students onto the bus, and she moved to join them, stopping in her tracks as a hand came to rest on her shoulder.

‘Alyssa honey,’ came the voice from behind her, as she turned to face her mother, ‘now remember to have a good time, and make sure they’re all following the itinerary we planned out.’

‘Yes mom’

‘And make sure to stay safe and sensible, and stay away from any bad influences. You know I can’t be there to keep an eye on you for tonight and tomorrow, but I’ll be there to chaperone on Sunday evening, so remember to be the superstar you are until then.’

‘Yes mom’ she said again, almost robotically.

She had to use every bit of self-restraint not to roll her eyes. She knew her mom just wanted to look out for her, but she was nearly 18 and definitely not in need of a chaperone, especially not one in the shape of her mom.

‘Okay sweetie,’ Mrs Greene continued, her hand still in a vice-like grip on Alyssa’s shoulder, ‘Now go have fun with your friends.’

‘Thanks mom, I will,’ she replied, allowing her mom to pull her into a quick hug.

She turned back in the direction of the bus, seeing that she was now the only one not seated and ready to go.

With a quick glance back at her mother, she jogged towards the vehicle, Mr Hawkins giving her a smile and ticking her name off his list as she walked up the steps.

The heat on the bus was stifling already, and the air was filled with the excited chatter of the rest of the students.

She looked around for a seat, spotting Kaylee and Shelby already sitting together at the back, flanked by Nick and Kevin.

Shelby gave her what she guessed was supposed to be an apologetic look as she caught her eye, but the lack of sincerity behind it was made clear by the fact her eyes quickly snapped back to Kevin the moment she thought Alyssa wasn’t looking. 

Alyssa sighed, looking round for any empty seats.

There were two to choose from, one next to Greg, the schools star linebacker who clearly had a thing for her and had been trying to get with her since freshman year, and one right at the front, next to someone who had their hood up and their head buried in a book.

She made eye contact with Greg as he patted the seat next to him, eyeing her hungrily. She immediately felt sick and did her best to bat her eyelashes and smile at him, letting him down gently before she chose the other seat at the front.

If anyone asked, she could just blame it on being travel sick, and not the fact that she would rather sit next to some random person than have to endure two hours sat next to Greg.

She put her bag down and slid into the seat, whoever was sat in the seat next to her shifting away from her as soon as she sat down. 

She couldn’t make out who it was, their hood hanging over their face, but she was impressed at their ability to be wearing a hoodie on a bus that was currently feeling hotter than the centre of the sun. 

She was just getting herself comfy, about to put her headphones in her ears when she heard a mumble coming from her right. 

‘Sorry?’ she said, straining to hear what whoever it was was saying over the noise on the bus.

‘I said, I wouldn’t sit there if I was you,’ they said again, a little louder this time. 

Alyssa furrowed her brow, ‘Why?’ 

The figure to her right shifted a little, a blonde curl falling out of the hood, and Alyssa caught a glimpse of a pair of glasses on the girl’s face. 

‘People throw stuff y’know’ the girl replied, ‘Wouldn’t want you to get caught in the crossfire.’

‘Why- why would they do that?’ Alyssa asked genuinely, confused as to who she could have possibly sat beside and why people would be throwing things at them.

The girl sighed, glancing round quickly before removing her hood.

Alyssa took in the full extent of the glasses and the blonde curls, realising that she was sat beside Emma Nolan, social outcast and rumoured lesbian.

‘Oh’ she managed, ‘you’re E-Emma, right?’

She didn’t know why, but she suddenly felt nervous. 

She knew Emma vaguely from some of her classes, but they’d never actually spoken. Alyssa didn’t really understand what everyone else seemed to have against the girl, after all, it was just rumours, and she’d never actually seen the other girl do anything to warrant how she was treated by the other students.

Admittedly she’d never really done anything to help Emma the numerous times she’d seen her cowering by her locker, being harassed by Nick or Kevin, or one of their other friends, but she’d also never actively participated in any of the threats or name calling. 

And that was okay, right? 

Judging by the look of fear on Emma’s face, it seemed to make her as bad as the others.

‘Y-yeah’ replied Emma, her cheeks flushing a deep shade of red as she pulled her hood back up over her head, ‘please don’t tell anyone I’m here.’ 

Alyssa stared at her blankly, confused about why she would do that.

Her silence seemed to scare Emma more, her face darkening as she visibly swallowed, drawing Alyssa’s eyes to her throat.

‘Or, alternatively,’ she continued, ‘just like, do whatever hilarious thing you’re about to do to humiliate me and then just leave me alone.’ 

‘I-‘ began Alyssa, not quite sure how to respond, ‘I’m not going to do anything to you?’

Emma didn’t look convinced.

‘I um, I just sat here because it was the only other seat and I didn’t want to sit next to Greg’ she said, smiling sheepishly, ‘I can- uh, I guess I can move if you don’t want me to sit here?’

At this Emma shrugged noncommittally, shifting closer still to the bus window and burying her head back into her book.

‘Don’t care,’ she mumbled, ‘just don’t blame me if you get spitballs in your hair.’ 

Conversation clearly over, Alyssa frowned, staring at Emma’s hunched up form in the bus seat, as if she was trying to disappear into the fabric. 

She had been hoping to pass the time by making conversation with whoever she’d sat next to, but that was clearly out of the question with Emma. 

She turned her attention back to her phone, putting in her headphones and starting her music just as the bus began to pull out of the parking lot.

~

‘Nick and Kevin you’re in tent 1, Greg and Kyle you’re in number 2...’

Ms Wise rattled off a list of student pairs and their tent assignments, all the students listening intently to find out which tent they would be in. 

Honestly, Alyssa wasn’t holding out much hope. 

The tent assignments had been chosen somewhat randomly, each student being asked to pick two students they wouldn’t mind sharing with, from which the pairings were created.

Looking back, she really shouldn’t have written Kaylee and Shelby, seeing as they both definitely would have written each other, and there was no way any of the teachers would even attempt to split the two of them up. 

She didn’t really mind, she guessed she could hang with them during the day. After all, it was only the nights where they would have to stay in their assigned tent.

Besides, the last time she shared a room with Kaylee and Shelby on their last class trip, she had been begged to swap rooms with Nick and Kevin, which lead to a long night fighting off the advances of Kyle, who was also in their room. 

She still hadn’t completely forgiven her friends for that, but she was glad that at least she wouldn’t have to deal with it this time around. 

As the number of students waiting for their assignments decreased, Alyssa found herself looking round anxiously at her remaining classmates.

Predictably, Kaylee and Shelby where paired together, again giving Alyssa a far from sincere sad look as they walked past her to get to their tent.

Very soon, all the tents had been assigned, and Alyssa was left on her own with Ms Wise, a feeling of dread creeping into her stomach.

‘Alyssa,’ Ms Wise began when all the other students had dispersed, ‘I wanted to talk to you separately because unfortunately, there was only one tent that had a space left in it.’

‘Okay?’ She replied, unsure as to why Ms Wise had described the situation as ‘unfortunate’.

‘And well, we’ve had some issues with this student so we weren’t sure whether you would be okay with sharing with them.’ she continued, Alyssa’s confusion only growing.

‘So, we thought we’d let you know separately, and if it’s going to be an issue, we can always find an extra place for you somewhere in the teachers’ lodge.’ 

‘Right?’ said Alyssa, the feeling of dread only growing at the prospect of having to sleep in the same space as a ‘problematic’ student.

‘So if you’ll just follow me, I’ll take you to your tent and we can see how you’re feeling.’ The teacher finished, walking off in the direction of a tent in the far corner of the campsite.

Alyssa shrugged before shouldering her bag, dragging her feet as she followed her teacher to meet whoever was about to be her new tent-mate.

* * *

Emma didn’t even bother to look up as she heard the zip of her tent being undone.

She knew this was a bad idea from the moment the school had announced it, but her gran had somehow convinced her to go, telling her that it would be ‘good for her’, and maybe she would make some friends.

Emma scoffed. Friends? As if that word was even in her vocabulary anymore.

What’s more, she didn’t even like camping.

She heard whoever it was take a step into the tent, the tarpaulin floor crunching loudly under their foot.

‘Yes, this is the lesbian tent,’ she deadpanned, still not bothering to look up from where she was unrolling her sleeping bag, ‘yes, you will probably turn gay if you take one more step. No, I didn’t ask for you to be assigned to this tent, and honestly it’s probably best if you just go and talk to Ms Wise now so she can sort you out with staying somewhere else.’ 

She braced herself for the inevitable insult or projectile thrown at her, but nothing came, not even the sound of retreating footsteps.

She looked up, curiosity getting the better of her, and was met instead by Alyssa Greene, standing like a deer in the headlights at the entrance to the tent, her mouth slightly open as if she had been about to say something.

‘Uh’ Alyssa said, her eyes squinting as if she was searching for something to say, ‘um, Ms Wise said this was my tent assignment so-‘ 

Emma felt her cheeks heat under Alyssa gaze, ‘Yeah but if you go talk to her now you can probably change it’

‘Um, its fine,’ Alyssa said awkwardly, taking a cautious step into the tent, ‘I um, I don’t need to change, it’s fine.’

Emma raised her eyebrows.

‘Um,’ Alyssa continued, ‘I mean it’s fine by me if it’s fine by you.’

Emma just stared at her, unsure what to make of the girl in front of her.

She’d never said two words to Alyssa Greene before, but she’d spent enough time in class trying not to stare at her to know that Alyssa definitely shouldn’t be being this nice to her.

Not that she was even being nice, she was just _not_ being not nice.

God, were her standards really that low? 

She studied the girl in front of her, her dark curls tied back into a ponytail, and her even darker eyes staring nervously back at Emma.

There was no doubting that she was beautiful, but everyone knew that. There was also definitely no doubting that Emma maybe possibly had a tiny crush on her, but that was nothing out of the ordinary either.

She was pretty sure everyone in the school had a crush on Alyssa Greene, one way or another.

She’d seen the way the boys leered at her as she passed them in the hallways, and the way the girls would stare, constantly orbiting her, showering her with compliments about how much they loved her lip gloss, or what she’d done with her hair, or her new top that they just had to know where she’d got it from.

No, she was pretty sure there wasn’t anyone in the entirety of James Madison who wasn’t even just a little bit in love with Alyssa. 

Emma watched as she shifted anxiously from foot to foot, clearly waiting for whatever response Emma was supposed to give. 

The thing was, Emma wasn’t entirely sure what the correct response was.

She could either say no, act like a dick and tell Alyssa to go and share with one of her many other adoring classmates and leave her alone, or she could say yes, and wait for whatever long-game cruel prank, that Alyssa and her friends had inevitably planned, to happen and make her even more miserable than she was. 

What a great selection of choices.

She guessed that even if she said no, they would still find some way to publicly humiliate her though. After all, it wasn’t something that they seemed to be out of practise in doing. 

And maybe, on the off chance that Alyssa actually was just _not_ being not nice, she would have a chance to maybe get to know her a little bit, which could be fun.

After all, if there was one thing she hated more than public humiliation, it was the stifling loneliness she felt at school, so maybe having someone on her side for once would feel nice.

She didn’t know what to do, so she just shrugged again, leaving the choice to Alyssa for the second time that day. 

Alyssa smiled at her shyly, Emma’s eyes immediately being drawn to the faint dimple on her cheek, ‘Does that mean you want me to stay or..?’

‘Do whatever’ Emma replied, again busying herself with her sleeping bag, feeling nervousness seeping into her chest as Alyssa took another step inside the tent, clearly deciding not to leave.

The other girl cleared her throat, ‘Okay then, um, I’m just gonna stay here if that’s cool,’ she said, starting to unpack her sleeping bag too.

The pair sorted their things in silence, a silence that hung awkwardly in the air between them and that Emma longed to break, but at the same time didn’t want to give Alyssa the satisfaction of finding out some kind of ammunition that she could use against Emma at a later date.

She finished organising her stuff quickly, flopping down on her sleeping bag and taking her book out of her rucksack.

It wasn’t long before she felt eyes on her, and she glanced up to see Alyssa staring at her intently, obviously off somewhere else entirely in her head.

She felt her cheeks heat up under the other girl’s gaze, and mentally cursed herself for being such a disaster when it came to attractive women. 

‘What?’ She said eventually, feeling uncomfortable under Alyssa’s stare.

‘Huh?’ said the other girl, her eyes clearly coming back into focus, as she shook her head as though to bring herself back to the present.

‘You were staring at me’ Emma said matter of factly, glancing back to her book.

‘Oh,’ Alyssa replied, a faint blush tinting her cheeks, that Emma found more adorable than she meant to, ‘I um, I don’t know where I just went, sorry. I guess I was daydreaming or something.’

She shook her head again, her eyes looking anywhere but at Emma and her body language changed into something much more awkward, her shoulders hunched and her hands fidgeting in her lap.

Emma was about to open her mouth and ask her if she was okay when Ms Wise’s voice came from outside the tent, asking all the students to meet back up in the clearing so they could go over some rules. 

Alyssa’s head snapped towards the opening of the tent, her shoulders untensing slightly as she stood up and motioned towards the door.

‘I guess we should uh..’ she said, trailing off as Emma stood as well, carefully unzipping the tent and stepping outside.

As she was stepping out and looking back to see if Alyssa was coming, she walked straight into Kaylee who was arm in arm with Shelby, knocking them both off balance.

‘Jesus, watch it,’ Kaylee said before realising who it was that had just bumped into her, her face morphing into one of horror.

‘Ew, oh my god,’ she shrieked, ‘did you do that on purpose just so you could feel me up.’

‘What, no I-‘ Emma tried, stepping backwards away from the shrieks.

‘God, she’s such a perv’ said Shelby, yanking Kaylee as far away from Emma as she could by their still linked arms, ‘probably the only action she’ll ever get in her life.’

They both laughed as Emma looked down at the ground, considering whether or not she should come back at them with some snarky retort, or just ignore them and carry on towards where the rest of the students were congregating.

At that moment, Alyssa stepped out of the tent behind her, seemingly unaware of the exchange that had just occurred between her friends and Emma. 

Another shriek came from Kaylee, ‘Oh my GOD Alyssa! They put you with _her_.’

Alyssa, clearly startled by the sudden yelling took a step back, nearly colliding with Emma who was currently trying to make herself as small as possible against the side of the tent.

Shelby made a grab for her arm, ‘C’mon, we’ll go and talk to Ms Wise now about swapping, you definitively can’t spend another second sharing with _her_.’

‘No guys I-‘ Alyssa tried, her arm going limp in Shelby’s grasp as she was pulled away from the tent.

‘Don’t be dumb Alyssa,’ Kaylee chimed in, ‘you’ll probably catch something off her, or worse, she’ll like, try and kiss you when you’re asleep or something.’ 

Both Kaylee and Shelby shuddered at this, pulling an uncomfortable looking Alyssa along with them as they walked off towards Ms Wise. 

Emma sighed. _Well that was nice while it lasted,_ she thought, watching as Alyssa was led away by the other two girls.

She began to follow the rest of the group, dragging her feet so that she wouldn’t have to stand with her fellow students for any longer than was necessary.

She looked up just in time to catch Alyssa looking at her again, this time with an apologetic smile. 

She didn’t understand, was this all part of the act? 

Anyway, it didn’t matter, seeing as Alyssa would definitely not be staying anywhere near her for the next couple of days, especially not if Kaylee and Shelby had anything to do with it.

* * *

‘C’mooon Alyssa please,’ Shelby pleaded, doing her best puppy dog eyes, ‘it’s going to be so much fun!’

‘I told you already Shelby, I’m not feeling too good and I just wanna go and have a lie down for a bit’ she replied, trying not to cringe at her inability to lie under pressure.

‘But Nick managed to steal a whole bottle of whiskey from his dad,’ added Kaylee, ‘we’re all gonna do shots!’ 

Alyssa shook her head, trying to look tired, ‘No honestly guys I think I’m just gonna-‘

‘Greg will be there,’ Shelby cut in.

‘Yeah, he said he’s been waiting all day to speak to you,’ nodded Kaylee, ‘I’m sure you guys could find a nice quiet spot out on the beach so you could-‘ 

The idea of going anywhere quiet to do anything with Greg made Alyssa feel physically sick, and it must have shown on her face, Kaylee trailing off and a frown painting itself on her face instead.

‘Actually Lyssa, you really don’t look good, do you want us to skip the party and come chill with you for a bit? We don’t mind, do we Shelbs?’

Shelby looked like she really did mind, but shook her head nonetheless, her eyes darting between Alyssa and the path to the beach that their other classmates were currently sneaking down.

‘No uh, it’s okay guys, I’ll be fine,’ Alyssa managed, ‘you go have fun and tell me all about it tomorrow.’

She began to walk back in the direction of her tent as Shelby called after her, ‘Watch out for the lesbo though, make sure she doesn’t try anything with you.’

‘Yeah, good luck,’ echoed Kaylee, ‘I can’t believe Ms Wise didn’t let you change tents, it’s so unfair.’ 

Ms Wise actually hadn’t said anything like that, instead asking to talk to Alyssa privately when she’d been marched over by Kaylee and Shelby, and then shrugging her shoulders when Alyssa had told her that actually it was fine, and she didn’t mind sharing with Emma. 

She could’ve easily lied and said she couldn’t bear to be in the same tent as Emma, but there was something about the girl that made her want to stick around.

Sure, she was standoffish and clearly very untrusting, but that was hardly surprising based on what her peers had put her through throughout high school. 

Besides there was something, maybe the brief sparkle in her eyes when she’d realised it was Alyssa who’d walked into the tent, or maybe the way her eyebrows had scrunched endearingly when she noticed Alyssa had been staring at her, that made Alyssa want to get to know her a little more. 

~

Emma looked up at her, startled as she entered the tent.

‘Hey,’ she said softly, moving to grab her pyjamas and her toothbrush from her bag.

Emma said nothing, going back to her book, before glancing quickly over at Alyssa as she began pulling everything out of her bag in an attempt to find the pyjamas she’d stuffed right at the bottom.

‘What are you doing?’ Emma asked, Alyssa’s hands stilling as she finally dug her shorts out from under her bag of toiletries.

‘I’m just gonna go and get ready for bed,’ Alyssa replied, now carefully refolding some of the clothes she’d slung out of her bag before placing them back in and zipping it back up. 

‘You’re not switching tents?’ said Emma, an unreadable expression on her face.

‘No,’ replied Alyssa, ‘I uh, I’m fine here.’ 

Emma raised an eyebrow, ‘And what did Kaylee and Shelby have to say to that?’

Alyssa swallowed, ‘I um, I told them that Ms Wise said there was nowhere else I could move to, so I had to stay here.’

‘But that’s not true?’

Alyssa suddenly felt hot under Emma’s gaze, her cheeks heating up and her heartbeat increasing slightly.

‘I um- well no it’s not.’

Emma looked like she was about to say something else, but then decided against it, instead going back to her book with a now characteristic shrug.

Alyssa took this as her cue to leave, scooping up her pyjamas and toothbrush and unzipping the tent. She wiped her palms which had suddenly, for some reason, become sweaty, on her shorts as she stepped outside.

By the time she got back, Emma too had changed into her pyjamas, Alyssa shivering as she took in the oversized jumper the other girl was wearing.

She may have severely underestimated how cold it was going to be when the sun went down, and she was regretting only packing a tank top and shorts to sleep in.

Emma, who had looked up when she entered the tent had suddenly found something extremely interesting to look at inside her bag, and Alyssa couldn’t tell in the dim light of the camping lantern, but it looked like there was a faint blush on her cheeks.

As Alyssa crawled into her sleeping bag, trying desperately to find some kind of warmth, Emma broke the silence.

‘How comes you’re not at that party?’

Alyssa looked up at her, ‘Uh, it’s not really my scene, I guess. I told them I wasn’t feeling well.’

Emma scoffed, ‘A party? Not really Alyssa Greene’s scene? Yeah, and I’m the most popular kid in school.’

Alyssa frowned, ‘I’m not- I’m being serious’

Emma regarded her for a second before muttering, ‘Well, could’ve fooled me.’

She sighed and turned back to her book, rolling so that she was facing away from Alyssa. 

Alyssa didn’t understand what was going on, or why Emma was being so hot and cold with her.

‘Do you have a problem with me or something?’ she asked cautiously, trying to get to the bottom of Emma’s attitude towards her.

She heard Emma laugh as she rolled over to face her, pushing her glasses up her nose as she did so. 

‘You’re Alyssa Greene,’ she said plainly, ‘no one has a problem with you.’

‘That wasn’t an answer,’ Alyssa retorted, frowning.

‘You’re the most popular girl in school. You’re head cheerleader, you’re head of the student council, you’re top of every class, and everyone loves you. What is there to have a problem with?’

Alyssa just blinked at Emma, unsure of how to respond.

‘What I do have a problem with,’ the other girl continued, ‘is whatever this is.’

She gestured between herself and Alyssa, as Alyssa cocked her head to the side.

‘Whatever kind of charity bullshit or whatever you’re trying to pull here, I’m not interested in it’

‘I-‘

‘You may think you’re being nice, the popular girl enduring a night in a tent with the gay outcast, but you know as well as I do that after this weekend is over you’ll never speak to me again, or even pretend like you know me if we cross paths’ 

Alyssa let Emma’s words hang in the air between them, thinking carefully before she began to craft her response.

‘Emma I-, I know how I must appear from the outside but, but what you see is definitely not what I am.’ She sighed, staring into the glittering hazel of Emma’s eyes and trying to pour all of her sincerity into them, ‘I didn’t- I didn’t choose to be paired with you for charity or sympathy or whatever you think it is. I stayed because, well because you’re someone I’ve never really got the chance to get to know, and, well, you seem like maybe you would be worth it.’

It was Emma’s turn to say nothing, staring at Alyssa in the dim light of the camping lantern. 

Alyssa had never noticed before, but Emma’s eyes flickered from hazel to golden depending on the light, magnified by her glasses in a way that was almost mesmerising.

She supposed it wasn’t a surprise she’d never noticed, she’d never had the opportunity or the need to look at Emma for longer than a few seconds before. 

But something about those eyes made her want to stare for as long as she possibly could. 

Emma was still saying nothing, so she decided to push on, ‘Also I don’t, um, well I don’t care about what they say about you, whether it’s true or not. It- it doesn’t bother me either way.’

Emma’s face softened, her eyes shifting nervously behind her glasses. 

‘You don’t?’ 

Alyssa swallowed nervously, ‘No, not really. I- I know it’s the way we were brought up and all but, uh, I don’t really see what the issue is with, well if you are, um, if you’re- if you’re gay.’

The word felt strange as it left her mouth, leaving a weird taste that she couldn’t quite put her finger on.

Emma shifted uncomfortably, looking up at her with earnest eyes.

‘If you don’t have an issue with it, then why do you let your friends treat me like that?’ she said quietly.

Alyssa opened her mouth to respond before pausing. She’d never thought about that before. 

‘I guess, I don’t really know,’ she said with a shrug, ‘I guess maybe I thought that just not participating was enough?’

Emma looked down sadly, fiddling with the zip on her sleeping bag ‘Sometimes that’s worse.’

Alyssa blinked, trying to take in what Emma had just said.

‘Okay,’ she said taking a deep breath, fully turning her body towards Emma and making eye contact, ‘I’m sorry Emma. I’m sorry for not only how my friends treat you but for how I’ve treated you too, and how I’ve sat back and watched while my friends caused you pain. I- I know it’s not much of an apology compared to everything you’ve been through, but I hope it’s a start.’

She held out her hand towards Emma. She wasn’t sure why she did it, but it seemed like the right thing to do- a peace offering, the chance of a new start.

Emma eyed the hand warily, as if as soon as she took it Alyssa was going to do something to her, or start laughing and tell her it was all a joke.

Alyssa extended her hand a little further, trying to control how it had suddenly begun to shake almost imperceptibly.

‘I promise to do better’ she said softly, looking between Emma and her hand. 

‘Okay’ said Emma, cautiously taking Alyssa’s hand and shaking it firmly.

The minute Emma’s palm touched hers, Alyssa felt something shoot up her arm, a feeling of intense warmth and comfort.

It was so unexpected that it almost made her drop Emma’s hand altogether, but instead she tried to keep her face impassive, scanning Emma’s for a sign that she’d felt the same.

Emma’s hand was warm and soft, and suddenly, as though they’d become connected by the handshake, Alyssa wanted to know everything about her.

Emma looked at her strangely before removing her hand, Alyssa immediately finding that she missed the warmth it had been providing. 

She shivered, Emma regarding her closely before she said, ‘You have super cold hands.’

‘Uh, yeah,’ Alyssa replied, ‘I severely underestimated how cold it would be I guess.’

‘You got a jumper or something?’ Emma asked.

‘Um, no’ Alyssa replied, rolling her eyes at herself, ‘I forgot to pack one because I’m an idiot.’

Emma didn’t reply, instead turning round and unzipping her bag, before turning back and throwing the hoodie that she’d been wearing earlier on the bus to Alyssa. 

‘You can wear this if you want’ she said timidly, ‘it’s uh, it’s clean. I only wore it earlier.’

Alyssa toyed with the hoodie in her hands, the fabric soft between her fingers. 

‘Thanks,’ she said with a small smile, before slipping it over her head.

As soon as she did so, her senses were overtaken by the scent of vanilla and something more musky but deeply comforting. Something that she guessed, was very Emma.

It was like being given a hug by the other girl, and she suddenly felt the urge to know exactly how a hug from Emma Nolan would feel.

The sleeves were a bit long, and the hoodie was oversized, but it was comfortable and warm, and she smiled gratefully at Emma as a blush crossed the other girl’s cheeks.

Alyssa felt a similar one growing on hers, and her smile turned bashful, as she looked down to play with the strings of the hoodie.

‘Emma,’ she said suddenly, surprising herself with how urgent her voice sounded, ‘I’d- I’d really like if we could start over and maybe, maybe try and be friends?’

She looked up nervously to see a timid smile on Emma’s face, her eyes glinting behind her glasses.

‘O-okay’ the other girl said, a bigger smile slowly making its way across her face.

Alyssa had never seen her smile before, but she knew, in that moment, she would do whatever it took for the rest of the weekend to see that smile again. She would make sure of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed, and I'll hopefully be back very soon with the second part! As always, kudos and comments are much appreciated, and I'd love to know what you thought!! Also if you guys liked this, feel free to check out my other fics!!
> 
> Also I made a completely new tumblr just so I could shitpost about the movie so you can now find me over at nodressrehearsal. Pls come scream at me about the movie if you want, I have so many opinions that I desperately need an outlet for!! (Also thinking of maybe taking prompts over there, but thats tbc)
> 
> Anyways, lots of love and I'll see you guys soon!!


	2. Saturday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Emma and Alyssa wake up early, have an honest chat, and take a trip to the beach

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey pals, I'm back again so soon. Honestly unsure what happened but I think this chapter was already pretty much written in my head, so I just had to get it down in writing!
> 
> As always, I hope you enjoy, and comments and kudos are always very very much appreciated.
> 
> TW for depictions of bullying, internalised homophobia, and some bad language  
> (also if you guys think I should add anything else to this list, please do let me know!)

Emma awoke to a bright light shining into her eyes from outside the tent.

She lay there for a second, blinking until her eyes adjusted and she remembered where exactly she was.

She was vaguely aware of some movement next to her, but without her glasses she had no idea what it was.

Her hand searched wildly for her glasses on the tent floor as she patted around blindly in the hope that she would stumble upon them. She couldn’t remember where she’d put them the night before.

She was just about to move into a sitting position in order to get a better look, squinting her eyes in an attempt to make everything seem a little less blurry, when she felt a hand on her arm, stopping it from where it was still searching around the floor.

The hand was warm and as her arm stilled she felt her glasses being pressed gently into her hand. 

She put them on hurriedly, being met by a vision of Alyssa smiling softly at her when everything came back into focus.

‘Morning’, the other girl said brightly, her hands trying to tame her curls into some kind of half up, half down style.

If Emma had thought Alyssa was beautiful before, she was absolutely breath-taking in the morning sunlight streaming in through the fabric of the tent. 

She was still wearing Emma’s hoodie, which somehow drowned her but also somehow looked like she was wearing it oversized on purpose. 

Emma would be lying if she said that the sight of Alyssa in her hoodie the night before hadn’t made her heart rate increase significantly, and she briefly wondered why she thought that it was a good idea to give it to the other girl.

Sure, Alyssa had been freezing and she wanted to help, but she also wanted to survive this weekend while sleeping in close proximity to her, and so far it wasn’t looking like she was going to manage that. 

‘Morning,’ she responded with a yawn, flopping her head back down on her camping pillow and rubbing her eyes. 

‘You sleep okay?’ Alyssa asked as she checked her reflection in her phone camera.

‘Uh yeah, I think so?’ Emma replied, ‘I don’t really remember falling asleep, so I guess I must’ve.’

Alyssa smiled at her again, and Emma felt her heart skip a beat. 

Alyssa’s smile was always cute, but when it was reserved for only Emma, it was damn near dazzling. 

‘You talk in your sleep you know,’ the other girl continued, and Emma felt her cheeks go red.

‘Oh?’ She said, already dreading the response, ‘what- uh what did I say?’ 

‘I’m not entirely sure,’ Alyssa said, furrowing her brow, ‘something about your gran I think? And then you swore a few times like super quietly, and then I think you said my name too, but I couldn’t be sure.’

Emma wanted to ground to swallow her up. She did not need Alyssa to know that she’d been dreaming about her, especially when she couldn’t even remember what the dream had been.

‘Oh god,’ she said, wiping a hand over her face, ‘that’s so embarrassing, I’m so sorry. I uh, I hope I didn’t keep you awake.’

Alyssa giggled and Emma’s heart fluttered, ‘No, it’s alright. I’m a pretty heavy sleeper but it happened just while I was drifting off, that’s why I heard it. Plus, it was kinda cute.’ 

Emma’s eyes went wide at this, and Alyssa gave her a strange look. 

She had to fight to school her features back into a neutral expression, knowing that even if she managed it, her face would still be bright red.

It was perfectly normal for Alyssa to call her cute, she probably did that with all her friends. That’s just how girls talked, wasn’t it? 

There was absolutely no reason for there to be any other meaning behind it, other than a friendly one.

Because they were friends now. Which was weird in itself.

‘What- uh, what time is it?’ she asked quickly, trying to change the subject and draw attention away from her red face.

Alyssa glanced down at her phone, ‘Oh it’s like 7.30.’

‘Jesus,’ Emma replied, ‘why are you awake? Why am I awake?’

She groaned, pulling her sleeping bag up and over her head.

Alyssa laughed again, running a hand through her hair, ‘Believe me, this is late for me. My uh, my mom expects me to be up at 6 every morning to get a run in and do some last minute homework prep before school.’

Emma rolled over to look at her, seeing that her face had suddenly become more serious, more closed off than it had been seconds before.

‘She- she makes you do that every morning?’ she asked quietly, not wanting to push Alyssa too hard. After all, she barely knew her.

‘Yeah,’ Alyssa said grimacing, ‘well, apart from weekends. I usually manage to lie in till about 8 on Saturdays before I have to go help her volunteer at the community centre, and then on Sundays obviously we have to get up early for church.’ 

Emma studied her for a second, ‘That sounds-that sounds like a lot.’

Alyssa shrugged, ‘I’m used to it so...’

She trailed off, a new look that Emma hadn’t seen before in her eyes. She didn’t look sad exactly, just far away, like she wasn’t in her body anymore. 

‘I guess, well maybe you could take this weekend to relax a little though?’ she ventured, looking at Alyssa cautiously, ‘like, sleep later, take some time to chill?’

Alyssa chuckled sadly, ‘Honestly Emma, I don’t think I know how to do that.’

Emma rolled back onto her back, staring at the seam along the roof of the tent.

‘You’re different to what I thought,’ she said after a pause.

She felt Alyssa shift to lie back down in her sleeping bag next to her, sighing as she did so but saying nothing.

‘Like,’ Emma continued, ‘you- you seem perfect all the time and like you have your life so together, but, I don’t know, I feel like maybe you have a lot more going on underneath that.’

Alyssa didn’t say anything for a second, both girls lying on their backs and staring upwards in silence.

‘There’s a lot of things that people assume about me that are wrong’ Alyssa said eventually, so quietly that Emma wasn’t even sure she’d heard her correctly. 

Emma rolled onto her side to find Alyssa already facing her, and she shuffled back so that the two weren’t completely nose to nose. 

The look in Alyssa’s eyes made her heart beat rapidly, and her stomach drop into her toes. 

‘Like what?’ she pushed, equally as quietly as Alyssa had spoken.

Alyssa sighed softly, playing with the string on Emma’s hoodie, ‘I don’t know. I just- this perfect persona that everyone seems to see when they look at me just, well it just doesn’t feel like me.’

There was a pause.

‘I just never get to feel like myself anymore.’

Emma looked at her closely. This was an Alyssa Greene she’d never seen before. The mask had slipped and here, in front of her, was a different person entirely. 

Someone who seemed to be feeling as unsure and alone as Emma felt. 

‘Well,’ she offered, unsure of whether Alyssa was finished, or whether she was actually expecting a response from Emma, ‘maybe you can get back to feeling like yourself a little this weekend?’

Alyssa stared over Emma’s shoulder, her eyes unfocused as though she was lost somewhere inside her head.

Alyssa sighed softly, ‘Yeah, maybe I can.’

~

Emma shuffled awkwardly behind Alyssa as they made their way down to the beach.

Kaylee had texted Alyssa earlier to tell her that her and Shelby needed to sleep off their hangovers, and it looked like a lot of their class were in the same position, only a few groups of students scattered across the whole beach.

As it was a senior trip, the teachers didn’t really care what they did, as long as they weren’t bothering them, so they basically had the whole day free to do what they wanted.

She hadn’t really been up for going down to the beach, but it was a nice day and Alyssa had somehow managed to convince her to go, making sure to grab her book and her sunscreen before they left.

‘Y’know,’ Alyssa began as they came to a stop at a quiet section of the beach, placing their towels and their bags down, ‘it’s kinda good that Kaylee and Shelby are out of action today. It means I get to spend more time with you!’

Emma gave her a small smile in return, trying not to read into the subtext of _if Kaylee and Shelby were here, I would not be spending time with you._

She knew Alyssa didn’t mean it like that, and she’d had enough of being snarky to the girl just because she didn’t like her friends. 

Besides, she’d be lying if she said the thought of spending the day hanging out with Alyssa didn’t make her heart race and a smile twitch at the corners of her mouth.

‘You coming in?’ Alyssa asked, looking at her expectantly, and Emma frowned.

‘In where?’

‘The sea, of course,’ said Alyssa, looking at her like it was the most obvious thing in the world, which it kinda was seeing as they were on the beach.

‘Ohh, no,’ said Emma, shaking her head quickly, ‘I don’t really do like swimming or paddling or just like, water in general really.’

‘Ugh,’ Alyssa said in mock anger, flopping dramatically onto her towel, ‘and here I was thinking that you were someone cool to be friends with.’ 

Her tone was light and playful, but Emma could see her eyes searching her face, making sure that Emma was understanding that she was joking. 

‘Sorry to disappoint,’ she replied, her lips curving into a smirk.

‘You gonna be okay here on your own if I go in?’ Alyssa asked sincerely, and Emma was touched by the kindness of the gesture.

She couldn’t remember the last time someone checked up on her like that, aside from maybe her gran.

‘Yeah,’ she replied, ‘being alone is kinda my brand so...’

At this Alyssa’s face fell, her eyes filling with worry as she moved closer to Emma. 

‘I’m sorry,’ she said, her hand moving as if to hold Emma’s, but stopping at the last minute, ‘you- I’m gonna try and make sure you’re not alone anymore. You don’t deserve that.'

She stared into Alyssa’s eyes, mesmerised by the sincerity and care that she saw reflected back at her. She couldn’t look away, and suddenly she found it becoming increasingly harder to breathe when Alyssa was looking at her like that.

Her head began to spin and her eyes began to fill with tears before she could stop them.

It wasn’t a promise, it wasn’t even much of a quantifiable statement, but something about it, and the way Alyssa had said it made it mean so much to Emma. 

God why did she have to be smart and beautiful _and_ kind. This really wasn’t helping Emma’s growing crush on Alyssa at all.

‘T-thank you,’ she managed, blinking back her tears and sifting her hand through the sand in an attempt not to cry in front of the other girl.

Alyssa didn’t say anything, just staring at her for maybe a beat too long and then standing up and giving her a reassuring smile. 

‘Right then,’ Alyssa said, peeling off her T-shirt to reveal a simple red two piece.

Emma’s eyes went wide and suddenly she didn’t know where to look, trying desperately to tear her eyes away from Alyssa’s newly exposed torso.

Honestly, maybe she would have to start cheerleading if it meant she would be in that kind of shape.

Her mouth went dry as Alyssa took off her shorts, and she decided the safest thing to do was busy herself with trying to find whatever page she’d been up to in her book, despite there being quite a clear bookmark in it.

She knew her face was probably bright red, but she hoped that maybe she could blame it on the heat, and the fact that she hadn’t put on any sunscreen yet.

‘I’ll be back in a bit,’ Alyssa said, before jogging off towards the waves.

Emma made sure to keep her eyes firmly glued to her book until Alyssa was safely in the water and out of her eye line. 

* * *

Alyssa loved swimming in the ocean. 

She wasn’t sure why, it just made her feel free. There were no rules, or times to beat, or strokes to perfect, she could just swim at whatever pace she wanted, in whatever way she wanted.

She’d had a brief run on the school’s swim team when she was a freshman, until her mom had realised that swimmers needed strong arms and shoulders, and deemed that that would make Alyssa too unattractive, and ‘no boy will ever come near you if he knows you’re stronger than him.’

So that had quickly fallen by the wayside, in favour of cheerleading, which Alyssa thought was stupid anyway because you needed to be as strong as, if not stronger than a swimmer, in order to be a cheerleader.

She still enjoyed swimming though, and the opportunity to be alone in the water with time to gather her thoughts.

She looked back to the shore, spotting Emma with her head and her book covered by her jumper, presumably in order to keep the sun out of her eyes. 

She smiled, remembering their conversations from last night and this morning. She enjoyed how open she could be with Emma, how she felt she could tell her anything and be met with those ever changing hazel eyes, reassuring her that whatever she said it was fine.

She hadn’t meant to be so honest this morning, but something about Emma made her trust her, and made her want to tell her things she’d never told anyone before.

She guessed, in a strange way, Emma probably knew exactly how she felt.

She swam back to shore quickly, her feet padding softly in the sand as she made her way back over to her towel and Emma.

She didn’t miss the way the other girl’s eyes subtly roamed her body as she came to stand by her towel, her cheeks tinting a pretty shade of pink before she hurriedly looked back at her book.

Alyssa was used to people looking at her anyway, so she didn’t mind. And actually, it was usually the boys who would look at her far less subtly than Emma had, sizing her up as if she was their next meal, rather than a potential partner. 

She’d always felt different when girls had looked at her. Like somehow the female gaze was softer than the male gaze, and more enjoyable to be in. Being looked at by men made her feel sick, but being looked at by women made her feel appreciated and confident.

Emma looked up at her again as she wrapped her towel around herself, one hand shading her eyes from the sun while another fanned her face.

Alyssa surveyed her for a moment before an idea took root in her head.

‘You sure you don’t want to come in?’ she asked, ‘it’s a good way to cool off.’

Emma looked embarrassed, like the fact that she was feeling flustered wasn’t anything to do with the weather.

‘It’s crazy hot, isn’t it?’ Alyssa continued, trying to take the attention of Emma’s embarrassment and providing her with a legitimate reason to be as red as she was.

‘Y-yeah, I guess,’ Emma replied shakily, ‘but I told you, I’m not a water person. I’m good here.’

Alyssa pouted at her, wrapping the towel tighter around her shoulders.

‘C’mon,’ she said, ‘it’ll be fun! I was getting bored out there by myself anyway.’ 

Emma looked conflicted, shutting her book and dragging herself up to a sitting position.

‘Uh, I guess I could paddle a bit if you wanted to? I, uh, I wasn’t lying earlier when I said I don’t really swim, I’m- I’m not the best at it.’ 

Alyssa’s face lit up, ‘So you’ll come?’ 

‘If you want me to, I guess yeah,’ said Emma, sounding about as sure as Shelby had sounded the night before when Kaylee had asked her to stay behind with Alyssa.

‘Em, I don’t want to pressure you into something you don’t want to do,’ she said.

Emma shook her head, ‘It’s fine. I guess I am a bit hot anyway.’

Alyssa grinned at her, ‘And don’t worry, I have my full lifeguard qualification in case anything goes wrong. You’re in safe hands.’

Emma rolled her eyes playfully, ‘Of course you do.’

Alyssa watched as Emma carefully pulled off her shirt, revealing a basic black swimsuit underneath.

Her eyes roamed the expanse of Emma’s newly exposed skin, and she suddenly felt strange, her head spinning and her mouth going dry.

She guessed maybe it was because she’d only ever seen Emma with about 17 layers on before, while she saw her friends in many varying states of undress in the locker room all the time.

Yeah, that was it. It was just the shock of seeing her new friend exposed before her in a way that she hadn’t seen her before.

That was a perfectly good explanation for why her knees had suddenly turned to jelly and her heart rate had picked up in her chest.

‘You okay?’ asked Emma, looked at her with a confused expression on her face, ‘you’ve gone kinda pale.’

‘Huh? Oh, yeah I’m fine sorry,’ Alyssa quickly recovered, tearing her eyes away from Emma and turning in the direction of the sea, ‘let’s go!’

It became clear to Alyssa as soon as Emma got into the water that it wasn’t that she didn’t like it, it was just that she didn’t have much experience with it. 

Soon, she was up to her waist, laughing as she splashed water at Alyssa.

‘This isn’t actually that bad,’ she said, smiling brightly, the sun glinting off her glasses that she’d refused to take off.

‘I told you!’ said Alyssa grinning back, ‘do you want to go a little further out?’

‘I um, I don’t think I’m a strong enough swimmer,’ Emma muttered, hanging her head in embarrassment as her hands moved back and forth gently in the water beside her.

‘I can take you,’ Alyssa offered, ‘if you wanna go?’ 

‘How?’ Emma asked, her brow furrowing comically.

Alyssa swam over to where she was, turning her back as she got to Emma.

‘Put your arms round my neck,’ she said.

‘I don’t-‘ began Emma.

‘It’s like a water piggyback,’ Alyssa continued, ‘it’s easy.’

‘Won’t I be too heavy for you?’ Emma asked sheepishly.

Alyssa turned to look at her, ‘The water takes most of your weight anyway, so I won’t even feel it.’

She saw Emma swallow thickly.

‘Plus,’ she added, ‘number one, I’m pretty sure you weigh less than me, and number two, I’ve lifted girls twice your size so many times in cheer.’

She shot Emma a smile that was supposed to be reassuring, ‘I got you, I promise.’

Emma nodded cautiously and Alyssa turned around again, trying to ignore the goosebumps she felt down her back as Emma’s arms came to rest round her neck.

‘Ready?’ she said, as she was already kicking off from the floor, Emma’s arms tightening as they began to move through the water.

She swam out a little further until her feet could no longer touch the floor before stopping, turning back towards the beach.

From where they were, the people looked like dots on the horizon, and she was again overtaken by a sense of peace, losing herself in the sound of the waves lapping against her skin.

The sun was just beginning to set, throwing an orange glow over the ocean and reflecting it back into the sky, and Alyssa let herself breathe, feeling more content than she had done in a while.

Her peacefulness was broken however, as she felt Emma’s arms slip from her shoulders, followed by the sound of frantic splashing and gasps for breath.

She turned quickly, grabbing a struggling Emma under the arms and guiding her arms back around her neck.

‘You’re fine,’ she said softly, ‘just hold onto me and kick with your feet.’

‘Sorry,’ Emma spluttered, gasping for breath, ‘didn’t realise- no more floor- panicked-‘

‘Shhh,’ Alyssa said soothingly, ‘you’re okay, I got you, I promise.’

She waited until Emma’s breathing had returned to normal, the other girl smiling sheepishly at her.

‘Better?’ she asked, and Emma nodded.

They were silent for a moment, Emma’s arms still round her shoulders, the two of them bobbing gently in the waves, and Alyssa suddenly realised just how close they were.

She could see all the freckles that dusted Emma’s nose, and the flecks of gold in her eyes as they reflected in the setting sun. 

She had never noticed how pretty Emma was before. Maybe not conventionally attractive, but she had a real natural beauty about her that made Alyssa feel that same, strange feeling all over again.

Why was being so close to Emma making her feel like this?

Emma was just staring back at her, seemingly as mesmerised by Alyssa as Alyssa was by her.

She briefly considered how funny the situation was.

If you’d told her the same time last week that in a week’s time she would be floating in the ocean with Emma Nolan clinging to her shoulders, she probably would have said you were crazy.

And yet, here there were. 

And honestly, Alyssa didn’t think she would change it for the world.

There, in the middle of the ocean, staring into the gold of Emma’s eyes magnified by those stupid glasses, everything suddenly felt right.

Maybe, she figured, maybe this was what it was like when you found a true friend, with a true connection. You knew that you would do everything in your power to stay with them, and give them whatever they needed.

In that moment, Alyssa was pretty sure she was willing to give the world for Emma.

Emma bit her lip, the movement drawing Alyssa’s eyes there, and a brief thought flashed through her head, almost too quickly for her to catch. 

Almost, but not quite quick enough.

And now, the brief thought of leaning in and kissing Emma Nolan was all she could think about.

Then, as soon as it had appeared, the image disappeared, replaced by images of her mother screaming about homosexuals and sin, and how Kaylee’s lip had curled in disgust yesterday at the thought of Emma trying to kiss Alyssa in her sleep. 

She couldn’t be- _that_. She couldn’t be what they were all so afraid of, what she was supposed to be so afraid off.

But if she was supposed to be afraid of it, why didn’t it feel wrong to her?

Her body finally caught up with her brain, and she suddenly realised that she was struggling to breathe, and she’d forgotten to kick, her head briefly disappearing beneath the surface before she could right herself.

The movement jolted Emma’s arms off her shoulders, breaking the other girl from her trance as well as she struggled to stay afloat without the help of Alyssa.

‘Sorry,’ she said once she’d regained control, grabbing Emma again to stop her fighting against the waves, ‘I didn’t mean- we should um, we should probably head back now.’

All Emma could do was nod as she wrapped her arms around Alyssa’s shoulders once more and they began to swim back towards the shore. 

Alyssa hoped to whatever god there was that Emma couldn’t feel just how rapidly her heart was beating in her chest.

~

Alyssa hadn’t seen Emma since they’d left the beach.

As soon as they’d set foot back in the camp, Kaylee and Shelby had whisked her away, promising to tell her all of the gossip from the night before and not even noticing that Emma was there.

She’d tried to smile apologetically at Emma as she was dragged away, the other girl giving her a nod before walking back in the direction of their tent.

That was the last time she’d seen her. And that had been hours ago.

Since then, Alyssa had showered, returning to an empty tent with no sign of Emma, and eaten dinner with the rest of the group.

She supposed Emma must have gone for a walk somewhere maybe to read her book, or maybe she’d been in the showers when she returned to the tent, but what she didn’t understand was why the other girl had skipped dinner.

She chewed on her lip, trying not to let the worry that was starting to eat away at her grow any bigger. 

It was fine, Emma was fine. She had probably just lost track of time and was making her way back to the campsite now. 

Yes, any minute now she’d walk into the tent with a sheepish smile on her face, asking how long she’d been gone and if she’d missed dinner.

But what if she didn’t? 

What if, somehow, Emma had known what Alyssa had been thinking just before she nearly drowned them both earlier? What if she’d made her uncomfortable and now she was avoiding her? What if she’d asked to swap tents because she didn’t want to share a tent with Alyssa if she was- if she was a- if she wanted to kiss girls? 

Well, only one girl in particular.

Or, maybe she’d gone back to the beach and been swept out to sea where no one would ever find her and Alyssa would never see her again and she would wash up in a few days and- 

Alyssa cut off that train of thought before it could become any more morbid. 

Everything was fine. The rational part of her brain was telling her that everything was fine, and for her own sanity, she had to believe it. 

She decided to pass the time by going to brush her teeth, searching for literally anything to do to keep her mind off the worry that was swirling inside it. 

And maybe by the time she got back Emma would be back and it would all be okay.

She made her way across the campsite, heading for the shower block in the dim light of the various lampposts that were scattered around the clearing.

There was no one around, light from inside tents throwing shadows of her classmates chatting or playing games or doing...other stuff onto the fabric of their tents. 

She was so preoccupied with looking round at the other tents that she nearly stood on something nestled in the grass, her foot instead kicking it further towards the bathrooms. 

She walked over to where the object had landed, picking whatever it was up and turning towards one of the lights so that she could see it properly.

She frowned as she realised she was holding a pair of glasses, one lens smashed and the other one smeared with mud. 

She wondered who could’ve dropped their glasses and not noticed. Surely they’d need them if they’d brought them with them?

She was about to head over to the teachers’ lodge to hand them in, when a sudden realisation made her heart drop.

She recognised these glasses. They were Emma’s glasses.

But why would Emma’s glasses be on the floor? She’d proved this morning that she couldn’t see a thing without them, so wherever she was, she couldn’t have gotten far without them.

She took a deep breath, a feeling of dread creeping up her body until it had taken root in her chest. She felt like something was wrong.

She pocketed the glasses, walking towards the bathroom block with more purpose than she’d had before.

There didn’t seem to be anyone inside when she entered, the bang of the door as it closed echoing around the room.

It was split into three sections, one with sinks, one with toilets, and one with shower cubicles. Alyssa moved towards the sinks to put her toothbrush down. 

As she neared the sink, she thought she heard something, the sound of a heavy breath barely audible over the dripping of several of the taps.

She glanced towards the shower section, but all the doors shut, with no way of knowing whether someone was inside or not.

There was no stuff out, no towels or clothes or shampoo, so she figured that no one could be inside, but just as she was about to turn back to the sinks, she thought she heard what sounded like a sniff.

‘Hello?’ she said, her voice echoing through the room.

No response came, but this time she was sure she could hear something coming from one of the shower stalls.

‘Hello?’ she said again, moving slowly towards where the noise was coming from, ‘it’s Alyssa, Alyssa Greene? Are you okay in there?’ 

This time there was a response, so quietly that Alyssa wasn’t sure she’d have heard it if she hadn’t been standing right in front of the shower cubicle.

‘A-Alyssa?’

‘Emma?’ she replied, following the sound of the voice to the third stall in the row, ‘are you okay?’

As she got closer she realised that the sniffling sound she’d heard earlier was actually the sound of crying, the kind of crying you do when you’re trying desperately to be as quiet as possible.

‘Th-they took my stuff,’ came the reply, Emma’s voice shaking, ‘I- I was showering and, and s-someone came in and they t-took my stuff. I c-couldn’t get out because they had my s-stuff.’

‘Oh my god Emma,’ Alyssa said, her heart dropping into her feet, ‘how long have you been in here?’

‘D-don’t know,’ Emma replied, ‘c-came in just after you left with K-kaylee and Shelby.’

Alyssa brain tried to quickly do the math, ‘That was like 3 hours ago, you’ve-‘

‘S-so cold,’ Emma cut in, and Alyssa shook her head, realising how the cold the showers had been this afternoon when she’d taken one after the beach, and how Emma had likely been standing there freezing for hours.

‘P-please help me.’ Emma’s voice was wavering, her efforts to hold back tears obviously about to fail.

The vulnerability in her voice broke Alyssa’s heart, and simultaneously filled her with a burning rage for whoever had done this to Emma.

‘Shit,’ she said, ‘I’ll go grab you some clothes, hang on.’

And with that she sprinted out of the bathroom in the direction of their tent.

When she returned, the bathroom was still empty, and she ran as quickly as she could to the stall that Emma was in.

‘I’m back,’ she said, slinging the clothes so that they hung over the door of the stall, ‘I’ll give you a minute to change.’

Emma said nothing, but soon the clothes started to slide off the door as Alyssa waited for her to get dressed.

She was angry. She was so angry.

She was angry with herself for letting it happen. She was angry with herself for never stopping it before, even when she’d witnessed it in the school corridors. She was angry at the whole fucking school for treating Emma like shit, and letting people get away with it.

Emma didn’t deserve to be treated like that. Emma didn’t deserve any of it.

She was drawn from her thoughts by the stall door slowly opening, and before she could stop herself she was at Emma’s side as she stumbled out into the bathroom.

Her lips were blue and her hair was still wet, and her eyes were red from crying, and she looked at Alyssa as if she’d just saved her life, rather than just passing her some clothes over the door of a shower stall.

Alyssa realised immediately that she was shaking, either from the cold or from what she’d just experienced, or both, so she did the only thing she could think of and wrapped Emma in a tight hug.

Emma clung to her like a child, her hands grabbing at her hoodie that Alyssa was still wearing, as if she was afraid that if she let go Alyssa would disappear.

‘I’m so sorry,’ Alyssa said, stroking her hands up and down Emma’s back, ‘I’m so sorry that they did this to you. I’m so sorry that I didn’t come sooner. Shit, I was literally in here earlier and I didn’t even realise.’

‘N-not your fault,’ Emma replied, her words muffled into Alyssa’s shoulder. 

Alyssa pulled back ever so slightly, as much as she could in Emma’s tight grip, ‘Shall we head back to the tent? We can get you warmed up in there?’

Emma nodded cautiously, before blinking a few times.

‘I can’t- my, my glasses-‘ she managed, gesturing towards her face.

Alyssa smiled softly, reaching into her pocket and producing Emma’s glasses, wiping the mud off the unbroken lens.

‘They’re, um, they’re a little broken, but hopefully they’ll still help you see better than you can now,’

Emma looked sadly at the cracked lens as Alyssa passed her back the glasses, her fingers tracing the jagged lines. 

‘Fuck,’ she said under breath, and Alyssa noticed how much her hands were shaking as she went to lift the glasses up to her face.

‘Hey,’ she said softly, taking one of Emma’s hands in her own, ‘let me.’

She took the glasses gently from Emma and placed them carefully into the bridge of her nose, watching as some colour came flooding back into her cheeks. 

‘Better?’ She asked, searching Emma’s eyes, or the one that was visible behind the uncracked lens anyway, for some sign that she was feeling a bit better.

Emma managed a nod, before seemingly folding back in on herself, her shoulders slumping and her head looking down at the floor.

Alyssa linked her arm gently and pulled her in the direction of the door, reasoning that maybe if they left the bathroom Emma would begin to feel both better and warmer.

She guided Emma into their tent, the other girl still seeming unsteady on her feet as she sat down roughly on her sleeping bag.

Alyssa regarded her for a minute, before sitting down next to her cautiously, as if she would startle if she moved too quickly.

Emma was still shivering considerably, and Alyssa guessed that the best thing for her would be to get warm again.

She helped Emma down into her sleeping bag, zipping her up in it tightly in order to provide as much warmth as possible. 

They sat in silence for a while, Emma shivering in her sleeping bag while Alyssa rubbed up and down her arms quickly, trying to get some heat back into her body.

She wanted to say something, anything that could help Emma, or comfort her, but if she was being honest, she had absolutely no idea what to say in this situation.

She wasn’t even sure if Emma was ready to talk about it, and even if she did, Alyssa didn’t know what kind of mood she’d be in, and she didn’t want to make the other girl angrier or sadder than she already was.

She just wished there was something she could do or say to make everything right. Some magic words to make Emma feel better, and to make everyone else leave her alone.

After about half an hour, it became clear that the sleeping bag method was not working, and Emma was still shaking. 

She wasn’t sure whether it was still the cold, or whether Emma was just in shock, but she wanted more than anything to be able to do something to make her stop, to take away whatever cold, or pain, or fear she was feeling.

Her heart ached as she looked down at Emma, her eyes screwed shut behind her broken glasses.

She felt tears pricking at her own eyes at the sight, but she blinked them away. She had no right to be crying over this, and it wouldn’t help Emma at all if she did. Instead, she tried to rack her brain for something she could do to help.

Eventually, she slid down into her own sleeping bag, scooting across the tent floor towards Emma.

Emma, whose eyes had snapped open the minute Alyssa’s hands had left her arms, was looking at her curiously, trying to work out why Alyssa had suddenly stopped trying to warm her up.

If she was being honest, Alyssa wasn’t exactly sure what she was doing, but it was a last resort attempt to calm Emma down, and she hoped to god it would work.

She moved as close to Emma as she dared, before opening her arms and scooping the other girl into her chest, as close as she could possibly get.

As soon as Emma’s head made contact with her chest, the shivering seemed to slow, and Alyssa could feel Emma’s breaths evening out from where she was breathing against her neck. 

She shifted slightly so that she was lying on her back, both arms protectively cradling Emma as she burrowed her face further into Alyssa’s neck.

‘I‘ve got you,’ Alyssa whispered soothingly, rubbing circles on Emma’s back softly, ‘I promise you Emma, I’ve got you, you’re safe.’

She felt hot tears falling onto her neck and pulled Emma closer still, pressing her cheek into the top of her head.

Despite everything, Alyssa felt herself being calmed by the feeling of warmth coming from Emma’s body heat, the familiar scent of vanilla wafting from her hair and surrounding them both.

Emma’s hand found the front of her hoodie again, grasping it tightly as though Alyssa would float away if she let go. 

‘I’ve got you,’ she whispered again, trying to pour everything she had into showing Emma just how much she meant it, just how much she’d grown to care for her in such a short amount of time.

They lay together for a while, Emma’s breathing slowing and the shivering subsiding until Alyssa assumed that she’d fallen asleep.

She was just about to close her eyes herself when she felt Emma’s lips moving slowly against her neck, goosebumps forming involuntarily on her skin.

‘It’s true, y’know’ she mumbled, and Alyssa frowned.

‘What is?’ 

‘What they say about me,’ replied Emma plainly, ‘what they say I am.’

Alyssa said nothing, her hand still circling on Emma’s back.

‘I’m- I’m a lesbian,’ she continued, and Alyssa felt her hand tighten its grip on her hoodie.

‘Okay,’ Alyssa replied gently, ‘thank you for trusting me with that.’

From within her neck, Alyssa heard Emma choke out a sob.

‘You don’t- you don’t hate me?’

‘Em, why would I hate you?’ Alyssa said softly, ‘I told you yesterday that I didn’t care, and that hasn’t changed. I promise you, it’s not an issue for me.’ 

A small voice, somewhere in her head was trying to break through, trying to validate just why she didn’t have an issue with it, but she couldn’t let herself consider it. 

Not here, not now. Not while Emma was wrapped up in her chest, needing her as a friend.

‘Th-thank you,’ came the response from Emma, her voice small, ‘thank you for everything. I- I don’t think I could’ve...’

She trailed off, her voice breaking, and Alyssa hushed her again, moving her hand to stroke gently through Emma’s hair.

‘It’s okay,’ she said, ‘we can talk in the morning. I think you should get some sleep.’

‘O-okay,’ said Emma. 

There was a beat before she continued, nervousness evident in her voice, ‘Could you- would you just hold me until I fall asleep? I don’t think I’ll be able to without, without-‘

‘Of course,’ Alyssa replied, wanting nothing more than to keep the other girl safe in her arms, ‘I’ll hold you for however long you need, I promise. I’m right here for you, I’m not going anywhere. I’ve got you.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry!!!!! I swear that the next chapter will be happier! I hope you guys enjoyed nonetheless, and please, if you fancy it, let me know what you thought in the comments!
> 
> Come scream at me over on nodressrehearsal on tumblr if you're that way inclined, and if you're enjoying this one, please feel free to check out my other work!!
> 
> (also maybe yes i did put in the whole emma/swimming thing just bc i'm still just vexed about that whole just breathe sequence in the movie. WHY WAS SHE SWIMMING?????)


	3. Sunday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which there are accidental cuddles, Alyssa puts someone in their place, and they both actually have a good time for about 5 minutes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey pals, me again! I'm really trying to crank this out as fast as I can, so I hope it hasn't been too long to wait. I think I've got one more chapter planned after this, which I guess makes this the penultimate chapter??? Or maybe not bc I've kinda got super attached to this fic so who knows what'll happen.
> 
> Thank you all so much for the kudos and all your comments. I'm really thriving off everything you're saying, and I love discussing character choices etc. with you guys, so please feel free to leave a comment if you want!!
> 
> TW for homophobia, internalised homophobia, mild homophobic language, bullying, and some bad language

Emma snuggled further into her pillow, smiling contentedly at the feeling of her duvet wrapped tightly around her.

Man, when did her bed get so comfy? Maybe her gran had finally got that memory foam mattress she’d been talking about and just not told her?

Something tickled her cheek, and she swiped a hand across her face blindly to remove it, not bothering to open her eyes.

She guessed it was probably just some stray hair. She was notorious for having a pretty impressive bed head every time she woke up.

She frowned as she brushed the offending piece of hair away. That was weird. Why did it feel like that? 

It kind of felt like tighter curls, as opposed to her looser, more wavy style.

She opened her eyes slowly, waiting for them to focus as she looked at the hair in her hand.

Her eyes widened, blinking rapidly as she suddenly realised that this hair was dark brown, and indeed curled much tighter than hers was. 

Suddenly, the events of the night before came back to her, and she glanced around, realising that she was still in a tent on that dumb senior trip, and not in her bed at home.

She swallowed nervously, looking up as best she could from where she lay, to see that she was curled into a sleeping Alyssa’s chest, her other hand still holding tightly onto the front of her hoodie. 

She watched as Alyssa’s brown creased gently in her sleep, her mouth slightly open. She paused briefly to appreciate how cute the sight in front of her was, before panic began rising in her stomach at the thought of Alyssa waking and finding Emma still lying in her chest. 

God, she’d think she was so weird. She’d probably only meant to hold Emma until she’d fallen asleep, but Emma had probably done something embarrassing like refused to let go and then Alyssa had just had to deal with it and go to sleep where she was.

She began to feel hot, her heart rate increasing as she was overcome with the sudden need to get as far away from Alyssa as possible, before she woke up and pushed her off herself.

She began to try and wriggle free but was stopped by an arm around her shoulders that she hadn’t noticed before. She guessed it must have been that that she’d assumed was her duvet.

As she struggled, the arm tightened, pulling her in even closer to Alyssa’s chest so that her nose was buried in her neck.

Before she could process what was happening, Alyssa’s hand came up and began to gently stroke through her hair, as the girl murmured quietly in her sleep.

‘Shh, s’okay.’

She stopped struggling, the path Alyssa’s hand was taking through her hair soothing her, as she felt the panic begin to subside. 

She settled more comfortably into Alyssa’s neck, the smell of coconut wafting from the other girl’s hair, along with another scent that was just so utterly Alyssa.

She tried to savour the moment, committing the feeling of Alyssa’s hand in her hair, the arm around her shoulders, and the soft hoodie beneath her fingers, to memory.

She briefly thought that this is where she would come back to the next time she had a panic attack, a simple yet perfect feeling of complete comfort and safety.

It wasn’t as if she would ever get to experience it again, so she may as well enjoy it while she could.

She watched the rise and fall of Alyssa’s chest, trying to match her breathing to the even breaths of the other girl, and let the sound of Alyssa’s steady heartbeat lull her back into a peaceful sleep.

She awoke again about an hour later, this time due to movement beneath her head. 

Her eyes snapped open as she realised that Alyssa was waking up, and she held her breath, waiting to see what the other girl’s reaction would be.

She counted to 10 in her head before cautiously tilting her head up, watching as Alyssa’s eyes fluttered open slowly.

She opened her mouth, a thousand apologies and excuses on her tongue that were stopped as Alyssa smiled softly at her, her eyes crinkling gently in a way that made Emma’s head feel funny.

God, if she wasn’t already in love with Alyssa, waking up in her arms had surely pushed her even deeper. 

Alyssa removed her hand from Emma’s hair, rubbing at her eyes as she tried to wake up. 

‘Hey,’ she said, her voice thick with sleep, a look that Emma had never seen before dancing in her eyes. 

‘Hi,’ replied Emma shyly, moving as if to sit up, but again being stopped by Alyssa’s arm.

Alyssa blinked, clearly realising that she was trapping Emma and removed her arm quickly with an apologetic look. 

She sat up slowly, secretly missing the warmth of Alyssa’s body heat, but also keen not to make things weird by staying and having a conversation with Alyssa while they were still cuddling.

She had just been cuddling Alyssa Greene. Wow, this weekend was turning out to be way different than she thought it would be.

‘Did you sleep okay?’ Alyssa asked shyly, sitting up as well and playing with the strings of her hoodie, ‘sorry, I didn’t mean to um- I was just gonna hold you until you fell asleep, but uh, I guess I fell asleep as well.’ 

A faint blush spread across her cheeks and Emma found herself smiling softly. How did Alyssa look so good after just waking up? 

‘Yeah,’ she replied, ‘I- I really did.’

There was a pause where they both just looked at each other, before they both started speaking at once.

‘I’m really sorry for-‘

‘Look Emma I-‘

They both laughed awkwardly, before Alyssa motioned for Emma to go first. 

‘I- I just wanted to apologise for, um, for last night,’ she said, looking down at her hands in her lap, ‘I didn’t- I shouldn’t have freaked out like that or worked myself up into that state and, and I’m sorry you had to deal with it.’

Alyssa looked at her incredulously.

‘Em, are you joking?’ she said softly, reaching forward to take her hand, ‘you don’t need to apologise for anything, okay? None of that was your fault.’

Emma’s eyes began to fill up, hot tears spilling down her cheeks before she could stop them.

She wiped roughly at her face with her hand that wasn’t in Alyssa’s, ‘Sorry, I-‘

‘Emma, hey,’ Alyssa said, shuffling closer and squeezing her hand, ‘it’s okay, you’re okay. What’s wrong?’

‘I just-, I- I’m always so alone I don’t-‘ she took a deep breath, ‘I’m not used to people actually like, caring about me, I guess. A-aside from my gran but she can’t exactly come to school with me.’

Alyssa’s face crumpled, her eyes shining with tears of her own.

‘Hey,’ she said softly, her thumb rubbing comforting patterns over the back of Emma’s hand, ‘it’s okay. I’m here now and I’ve got you, okay? I promised you yesterday that you wouldn’t be alone anymore, and I stand by that. I’m not going anywhere.’

Emma’s heart felt like it was about to explode, a whirlwind of feelings crashing around in her chest. 

She wished this weekend could last forever. Just her, and Alyssa in this stupid tent, safe from her classmates and the outside world. 

Just her and Alyssa, safe together.

~

The morning passed by peacefully, Alyssa going out to collect Emma’s breakfast so that she didn’t have to face everyone in the mess hall. 

They sat and talked all morning, last night’s events strictly off limits, filling the time with endless stories about classwork and childhood stories.

By the time the afternoon rolled around, Emma supposed that she should probably at least try and leave the tent, reasoning that if she stayed hidden forever, then her tormentors would win.

Alyssa smiled reassuringly at her, asking her a thousand times if she was sure and trying to reason that everyone would probably be at the beach, and that it was probably safe for Emma to walk round the campsite. 

Emma balanced her broken glasses on the bridge of her nose, relieved to see that she could still partially see out of the cracked lens. Her gran was going to kill her when she got home.

She gave Alyssa a nod and took a deep breath. 

Alyssa went first, carefully unzipping the tent flaps and stepping out, Emma following her cautiously, not wanting to be too close behind her in case anyone did see them.

She breathed in the afternoon air, relieved to be out of the stuffy tent, but her mood soon changed as she watched Greg making a beeline towards their tent and Alyssa.

‘Hey, ‘Lyssa,’ Greg said as he got nearer, throwing his arm around her shoulders, ‘We missed you at the party the other night.’

He winked at her, a sly smile on his face and Emma watched as Alyssa visibly paled, her posture stiffening as soon as he touched her. 

She took a step forward unconsciously at Alyssa’s discomfort, immediately attracting Greg’s attention in her direction.

‘Aww, look ‘Lyssa,’ he drawled, ‘looks like someone’s feeling jealous. Reckon she’s got a little crush on you? Surprised she hasn’t tried anything with you yet.'

Emma flinched, stepping back towards the tent. She knew she shouldn’t have left. She knew it was a bad idea.

Alyssa’s eyes flitted towards her briefly, before turning her attention back to Greg.

‘I’m sorry?’ she said incredulously, and Emma held her breath.

‘I’m just saying you gotta watch her, those lesbos can’t control themselves, especially around someone as sexy as you ‘Lyssa.’

Emma felt physically sick, trying to psych herself up to say something, anything to Greg to get him to back off from Alyssa.

She didn’t care about the insults being hurled her way, she’d heard it all before, but the way that Greg was speaking about Alyssa was making her want to punch him square in the face.

Alyssa still wasn’t saying anything, and Emma wondered what she was thinking. 

‘I’m surprised to even see her here,’ Greg continued, ‘we tried to give you a bit of a break from her last night ‘Lys, but she evidently found her way back.’

At this, Alyssa’s head snapped upwards, looking Greg square in the face as Emma’s heart sank.

‘What did you say?’ Alyssa said quietly.

Greg laughed, like he was about to tell the funniest joke in the world, turning towards Emma with a sadistic glint in his eye, ‘How did you manage it then, huh? Run round the campground naked? Bet you couldn’t wait to get back and show Alyssa that.’

Emma shrank back against the side of the tent, her chest rising and falling rapidly as her breathing rate increased. 

She tried to recall the feeling from this morning, Alyssa holding her in her arms, warm and safe, but all she could see was Greg leering at her, his arm still tightly around Alyssa’s shoulder. 

Alyssa tried to step back but was stopped by the football players iron grip.

‘ _You_ did that to her?’ she asked, her voice shaking, ‘You did that to her, for _me_?’

Greg looked pleased with himself, ‘Yup, all for you baby.’ 

Suddenly, as if a switch had been flipped, Alyssa’s demeanour changed, as she leaned into Greg’s touch, rather than away from it.

Emma looked on in confusion, feeling her heart sink.

‘Y’know,’ said this new Alyssa, batting her eyelashes at Greg as he looked at her hungrily, ‘shall I tell you what I find most attractive in a guy?’

Tears began to prick at Emma’s eyes.

Fuck, she was so stupid. She had genuinely believed that Alyssa was sorry, that Alyssa was going to help her, try and defend her from all the shit that got hurled her way.

But here she was, defaulting to the love-struck cheerleader, obviously too afraid to even look like she was an acquaintance of the town outcast.

She wished she could go inside so she didn’t have to witness this, witness Alyssa breaking her heart, but she was still pinned to the tent wall by some unseen force. 

Greg nodded eagerly at Alyssa, pulling her in closer to his body.

‘Well,’ began Alyssa, her voice light, ‘for starters, it’s soooo hot when a guy respects women.’

Greg smiled gleefully, ‘I always do Lyssa, you know that. I’m always looking out for you.’

Alyssa nodded, her smile sweet.

‘Well,’ she continued, ‘it’s just a shame then that you don’t apply the same thing to other women.’

Emma looked on, confused. Where was Alyssa going with this?

Greg looked equally confused, ‘I- I don’t know what you mean. I love women and I love respecting them all. Especially when they’re as hot as you.’

A new look entered Alyssa’s eyes, ‘Oh really? So, if you love and respect women so much, can you tell me why you left Emma in the bathroom, freezing, for 3 hours yesterday without any means of leaving?’ 

Greg furrowed his brow, opening and closing his mouth as though he was trying to find something to say.

‘That’s- that’s different though. She’s different, she not like a-‘

‘She’s not like a what Greg?’ Alyssa asked, fire creeping into her voice, ‘not like a woman? Because I think you’ll find that she is.’

Greg spluttered at a loss of what to say to save himself.

‘Respecting women doesn’t only extend to those that you deem hot,’ she continued, ‘and whatever Emma’s sexual preference is, it does not make her any less of a woman than I am.’ 

‘Yeah, I know but-‘

‘But what?’ Alyssa was fully quite clearly angry now, and Emma couldn’t take her eyes off her, ‘Look Greg, even if I did want to date you, or for that matter go anywhere near you at all, stranding someone in a fucking bathroom and breaking their property is a real turn off for me.’

Greg’s eyes went wide as he took in what Alyssa was saying.

‘So if you’re gonna say anything else about Emma, or for that matter about me, and you’re not going to apologise to her for what you did, would you kindly take your fucking hands off me and stay away from me for the rest of the year.’

With that, Alyssa stormed off in the general direction of the beach, leaving Emma and Greg standing by the tent, both stunned into silence. 

‘Lyssa wait,’ Greg shouted, making to go after her, but Alyssa turned round and stared at him so fiercely that he stopped in his tracks. 

He rounded on Emma, who was still cowering by the tent, rage filling his eyes.

‘I don’t know what the fuck you’ve done to her,’ he growled, ‘but the next time she’s not looking, you’re gonna wish I broke both of those lenses, so you can’t see what’s coming for you.'

Emma swallowed as he turned on his heel and stormed off, shoving her shaking hands into her pockets in an attempt to calm down. 

She didn’t really know what to do now. She wasn’t really sure what had even happened.

Alyssa had just defended her in front of someone? She had just put her own reputation on the line to protect Emma? 

Emma’s head was spinning. 

She looked towards the tree line that Alyssa had headed towards and started after her, squinting through the broken lens of her glasses as she went.

* * *

Alyssa paced around the clearing she’d found herself in, her hands shaking at her sides.

She couldn’t believe it. She couldn’t believe she’d just told Greg to fuck off _and_ defended Emma all at the same time.

And god did it feel good.

She didn’t really know what had happened. She’d been fine, if not a little disgusted when he’d put his arm around her shoulders, but the minute he started hurling abuse at Emma, something somewhere in her mind had clicked and she’d seen red.

It was like the sudden urge to protect Emma and try and make up for the years that she’d just stood by and watched the other girl suffer. 

She’d realised that morning, waking up to find Emma in her arms, staring up at her with the softest eyes, that she would do anything for Emma Nolan.

Regardless of any other feelings or whatever else her mind was trying to tell her about how she really saw Emma, all she knew was that she cared deeply for her, even after only a few days.

It should have scared her, it really should. But somehow it didn’t. Somehow it just felt right.

There was a rustling from the tree line, and she sighed, bracing herself for Greg to burst through and give her a thousand more excuses, calling her ‘Lyssa’ and ‘baby’ until she gave in.

Instead, a few seconds later, Emma tumbled out, cursing under her breath as she tripped over a branch. 

She looked up at Alyssa, one eye glinting through the unbroken lens of her glasses, a faint blush on her cheeks.

‘Uh, there was probably an easier route I could’ve taken,’ she said shyly, a small smile on her face. 

Alyssa mirrored the smile, her hands finally stilling and all the rage she was feeling dissipating.

Because despite it all, Emma had a smile on her face. And that made everything worth it.

Emma took a tentative step towards her, ‘Are you okay?’

Alyssa smiled back at her, ‘Yeah, I think I am.’

‘That was- that was amazing,’ Emma said, a smile splitting her face, ‘I can’t- thank you, thank you so much for sticking up for me.’

Alyssa blushed, kicking at a stone by her feet, ‘It was nothing really, I-‘

‘Alyssa, no one has ever stuck up for me before like, ever.’ Emma cut in, ‘Please just- just let me say thank you.’

Alyssa looked up, making eye contact with Emma as she stared shyly back at her.

She felt her chest flutter at the look on Emma’s face, and a similar feeling to the day before overtook her, that same fleeting thought bouncing around her brain again.

_Kiss her._

Emma stepped closer again, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth, and Alyssa felt like she couldn’t breathe.

‘Is it- can I give you a hug?’ Emma asked, ‘I- I don’t know how else to thank you.’

Alyssa’s heart leapt and she stepped forward, arms open as Emma pulled her in tightly.

It was different from the hug they’d shared the night before, so much less urgent, the two just enjoying being in each other’s company. 

Alyssa basked in the warm feeling of having Emma close to her, the smell of vanilla that always seemed to follow her everywhere surrounding them.

Emma pulled back and Alyssa giggled, noticing a twig sticking out of her hair.

‘What?’ She asked, looking embarrassed.

Alyssa laughed harder, the confusion on Emma’s face growing.

‘What??’ She said again, looking over her shoulder to try and see what Alyssa was laughing at.

‘You have- you have something in your hair,’ Alyssa replied, her words coming out between laughs.

‘Huh?’ Said Emma, patting her head in completely the wrong place, which only made Alyssa laugh harder still.

‘Hey Lys, knock it off and help me will you,’ Emma said, smacking Alyssa’s arm gently as Alyssa tried to calm herself down, wiping at the tears streaming down her face with her sleeve.'

‘Sorry, sorry’ she said, gasping for air as she moved into Emma’s space, reaching for the twig in her hair.

As she was pulling it out, her eyes met Emma’s, freezing her on the spot for a moment and stopping the remaining laughter in her throat.

Something so beautiful was dancing in Emma’s eyes, their golden flecks seemingly brightening up her whole face, and Alyssa was finding it increasingly harder to look away, her mission to retrieve the stick from Emma’s hair quickly forgotten.

She watched as Emma swallowed thickly, her eyes being drawn to the movement of her throat.

‘Did you- did you get it?’ Emma asked softly, as if if she spoke too loudly, the moment would be broken. 

Alyssa tore her eyes away, locating the twig and throwing it onto the floor, a deep blush growing on her cheeks as she did so.

‘Yeah,’ she breathed, taking a step back to try and free herself from the magnetic pull she was feeling towards Emma. 

‘Thanks,’ Emma replied, shaking her head as if to break herself from a daze. 

Alyssa blinked, unsure of what to say to break the strange tension that was now hanging in the air between them.

Before she could open her mouth, Emma’s stomach growled loudly, breaking the moment and seemingly snapping both girls back to reality.

Emma looked embarrassed, before shrugging and looking at Alyssa.

‘Dinner?’ 

Alyssa stared back, a smile creeping its way onto her face, ‘Who are we to disagree with your stomach?’

Emma rolled her eyes, a grin taking over her face as well, ‘Shut up! I have an excuse, I missed dinner yesterday so I’m like, a meal behind.’

‘If you say so!’ Alyssa laughed, offering her arm to Emma to link.

Emma took it with a soft smile that made Alyssa’s stomach flip, and she tried not to let it show on her face.

‘C’mon then,’ she said, ‘I’ll grab some stuff and bring it to the tent if you want, so we can eat in peace.’

Emma grinned back at her, motioning back towards the camp with her other arm, ‘Lead the way Ms Greene.’

~

‘Nooo, definitely not,’ Alyssa laughed, ‘I just can’t see you as a sloth.’

‘What, why not?’ Emma asked, sounding offended.

‘I don’t know, sloths are cute and all, but you just seem more interesting than one. Like, I know you walk slowly, but not that slowly.’

She turned to see Emma rolling her eyes, staring up at the roof of the tent as she lay on her back.

‘Okay then, if you’re such an expert, what animal _would_ I be?’

Alyssa thought for a moment, regarding the girl in front of her.

‘A golden retriever!’ She said triumphantly and Emma groaned.

‘Seriously?’

‘Yeah, I can definitely see that.’

Emma chuckled, ‘I’m definitely not high energy enough for that. Plus, I’m more of a cat person anyways.’

Alyssa gasped comically, ‘Well, there’s something else to add to the list of why we’re destined never to be friends. I can’t associate myself with people who would choose cats over dogs.’

‘But cats are just inherently better! Dogs are too much and cats are just enough.’

‘Incorrect, dogs are more than enough and cats are not enough at all.’

Emma glanced at her, a smile on her face, ‘Agree to disagree?’

Alyssa sighed, ‘Fine, but you’re definitely still wrong.’

They both laughed, both staring up at the top of the tent.

A comfortable silence settled over them, and Alyssa noted that she hadn’t felt this happy in a long while.

Sure, hanging out with Shelby and Kaylee was fun, but they were constantly talking about boys and who they had a crush on and who had a crush on them, and sometimes Alyssa just wanted to forget all that and just talk about something else.

Everything was so serious and dramatic with her friends, while with Emma she felt like she could be silly and goof around without fear of judgement or someone laughing at her.

She smiled softly to herself as she realised that maybe, just maybe, Emma was helping her come back to herself, her real self, not the perfect Alyssa Greene that she hid behind all the time. 

That perfect Alyssa mask was slipping, and honestly, it was an amazing feeling, like she could finally breathe properly again.

She felt free, and with that feeling came the freedom to allow her brain to wander to places she normally didn’t let it.

More specifically, one place, tucked away right at the back of her mind, that Emma was currently occupying, and that had been getting more and more difficult to ignore over the past few days. 

The place that was trying desperately to tell her that maybe she was- 

She screwed her eyes shut. She couldn’t be, she just couldn’t. 

There was no room in her life for anything other than what her mother deemed normal, and _that,_ well, she was sure that in her mother’s eyes, it was about as far from normal as you could get.

Still, she was curious, curious about all aspects of it; what it meant, how it felt, what it could lead to.

Before she could stop herself, she was opening her mouth, her eyes still trained on the ceiling.

‘Em, can I ask you a question?’

She heard Emma shuffle in her sleeping bag.

‘Shoot.’

‘What was it like when you, uh, when you realised you- you were, um...’ 

‘Gay?’ Emma finished for her, ‘You know it’s not a dirty word, right? You won’t burst into flames if you say it.’

Alyssa sighed, a small smile playing on her lips, ‘Yes, uh, g-gay. What was it like when you realised you were gay?’

There was a pause as Emma thought, and Alyssa held her breath. 

She wasn’t really sure why she’d asked it, but it was too late to take it back now.

‘Um, well, if I understand the question right,’ Emma began, ‘at first it was scary, so scary and so confusing. I- I didn’t want to be gay, I really didn’t. I knew that my parents wouldn’t approve and I thought that my life would just be easier if I was straight.’

‘But?’ Alyssa asked softly.

‘But it’s not that easy.’ Emma said sadly, ‘You can’t just choose not to feel how you feel. So, I tried to learn more about it, read some stuff, watched some videos, spoke to some people online, and slowly it kinda, I don’t know, it all kinda started making sense to me.’

Alyssa listened quietly, trying to stop the alarm bells that were ringing in her head.

‘I think the hardest part, for me, was admitting it to myself,’ continued Emma, ‘Being able to stand there and say that I was a lesbian without any pain or self-judgement. But I got there. And after that, everything seemed a whole lot easier- well aside from the bullying and the general homophobia bullshit. But internally, everything felt a little lighter.’

‘That sounds nice,’ Alyssa said wistfully, not really paying attention to what was coming out of her mouth.

‘Why do you ask?’ asked Emma.

Alyssa turned on her side to face Emma, finding that the other girl was already facing her, and was much closer than she’d first anticipated.

From the way she’d moved they were basically nose to nose, with only a few inches of space between them.

Alyssa eyes roamed Emma’s face in the dim lamplight, taking in the way the shadows of the tent transformed it, her eyes somehow glowing even more than they usually did.

Alyssa felt the same magnetic pull she’d felt over the past few days, something in her chest tugging her towards Emma that she was powerless to resist. 

‘Just...wondering,’ she murmured, too focused on the look in Emma’s eyes to think of a real answer, a proper excuse.

She watched as Emma’s eyes flickered down to her lips, her heart rate increasing and the pull getting stronger and stronger.

The air around them seemed to crackle with anticipation, a humming starting in her ears that travelled up and down her whole body, making her hands tingle.

She tried to fight it, she really did, but before she could stop herself, she found her own gaze dropping to Emma’s lips. 

All she had to do was close the gap. That’s all she had to do. One tiny movement and perhaps everything would suddenly make sense. 

She moved closer still, Emma seemingly moving to meet her, her eyes fluttering closed behind her broken glasses. 

Alyssa took a deep breath, eyes closing too as she felt the ghost of Emma’s breath against her lips.

Goosebumps raced up the back of her neck, and something broke inside her, her last remaining barrier that was telling her to run as far away from this is possible.

She steeled herself. She didn’t have to listen to it anymore.

She pushed forward, closing the gap and then-

‘ALYSSA!’

Her eyes snapped open at the sound of the voice, her blood running cold. 

No, not now. This couldn’t be happening right now.

She looked at Emma fearfully, the other girl blinking rapidly as if she’d just woken up and was trying to work out where she was.

‘ALYSSA GREENE GET OUT HERE NOW’

It came again, the unmistakable voice of her mother.

Emma’s eyes went wide, clearly recognising the voice that was filtering in through the tent flaps. 

She pushed herself as far away from Alyssa as possible, her back hitting the canvas of the tent as she swallowed nervously. 

Alyssa didn’t know what to do, didn’t know what to say. 

She didn’t even know what was going on, or why her mother had chosen that moment, of any moment in the entire weekend, to arrive at the campground.

‘ALYSSA, ARE YOU IN THERE?’

She jumped as the voice came again, scrambling out of her sleeping bag and desperately trying to comb through her hair with her fingers.

Emma watched her wide eyed, her knees pulled up to her chest, her hands shaking.

‘Y-yeah’ she managed, trying to prevent her mother from coming into the tent, trying to protect Emma from what was inevitably about to come, ‘I’ll- I’ll be two seconds mom, I just gotta find my shoes.'

She fumbled for her shoes, her heart beating rapidly in her chest and then stood, making her way to the entrance as quickly as possible.

She paused, her hand on the zip, to give Emma an apologetic look, trying to pour everything she wished she could say, wished she could do, into her stare.

Emma gave her a worried smile before looking back down at the floor, trying to still her shaking hands in her lap.

‘Mom, hi,’ Alyssa said brightly as she exited the tent, hoping to appease her mother in order to soften whatever was about to happen.

‘Oh my god, Alyssa,’ her mum said, scooping her up into a hug that was just slightly too tight, ‘thank god you’re okay.’

Alyssa frowned, ‘Okay? Why wouldn’t I be okay?’

Mrs Greene shook her head, holding Alyssa at arm’s length as though to check her over, ‘I was just coming in to start my chaperone shift and I was talking with Ms Wise when she mentioned they’d put you in a tent with _that girl._ ’

Alyssa flinched, the venom in her mother’s voice when she referred to Emma sending a bolt of fear up her spine. 

‘E-Emma?’ she said shakily, ‘Mom it’s fine, she’s fine, I don’t-‘

‘I can’t believe they would do that,’ Mrs Greene cut in, ‘She should’ve been put on her own, or barred from the trip completely. It’s not appropriate for someone like that to be sharing a tent with another girl.’

Alyssa said nothing, clenching her fists and biting the inside of her cheek to stop her from saying something she knew she’d regret.

‘Not to worry though, darling,’ her mom continued, ‘I’ve arranged for you to come and stay with me tonight, so you don’t have to endure another night with her. And I will be having words with Mr Hawkins about this too when we get back. Now, grab your things quickly and I’ll show you to our cabin.’

She gently pushed Alyssa back in the direction of the tent, the worried look still plastered on her face.

Alyssa re-entered the tent to find Emma facing away from her, her knees still tucked up into her chest.

‘Em, I-‘ she started, shoving her things into her bag, ‘I didn’t- I’m so sorry I-‘

‘It’s fine,’ Emma said, not bothering to turn around. It sounded like she was crying, and the thought of it made Alyssa’s heart break.

‘Just go,’ continued Emma, trying desperately to disguise her sniffs with a cough.

‘It’s not Em I-‘

‘Please Alyssa, just go.’

Alyssa hung her head, stuffing her sleeping bag back into its cover and hoisting her bag over her shoulder.

‘I’m sorry.’ she whispered again as she made her way to the entrance, looking back at Emma sat in the corner, looking smaller than she’d ever seen her.

Emma shook her head, curling even further in on herself, and Alyssa felt tears pricking at her eyes.

She blinked them back, taking a deep breath and plastering a smile on her face before she exited the tent into the arms of her mother.

She didn’t see Emma for the rest of the trip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry!!!! Thanks for reading guys, I hope you all enjoyed!! Let me know what you thought in the comments if you fancy it, I love seeing your opinions! I hope to see y'all soon for the final chapter!!
> 
> Also realised halfway through writing that this is kinda ending up being super depressing, so I tried to give our girls a lil happiness in this chapter. Apologies if you signed up for a good time and were instead met with a sad time, honestly idk what happened.
> 
> (Also sidenote i lit wrote and rewrote the greg scene like 50 times bc i genuinely couldn't work out whether alyssa should use the f bomb or not. In the end i just decided to let alyssa greene say fuck, but apologies if that is not a true alyssa vibe.) 
> 
> ((LET ALYSSA SAY FUCK 2020))


	4. The Next Week

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> C'mon now, we all know what's about to happen...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey pals, here she is, the final chapter, my early Christmas present to you! I hope you all enjoy, and I really really hope I've managed to do the story justice!
> 
> I just wanna say thank you so much for all your comments and kudos throughout, its really helped motivate me to write, and plus I love seeing what you guys think!
> 
> Sooo, here we go. Sit back and I hope you enjoy the final chapter!
> 
> TW homophobia, homophobic language, and some bad language

Alyssa sank down into the front seat of the car, watching as her mother marched over to where Emma’s grandma was struggling to hoist Emma’s bag into her pickup.

She tried to catch a glimpse of Emma in the front seat, a flash of blonde or something else identifiable, but the truck was facing in the opposite direction, so all she could see was the back of the seat.

She watched as her mom started whatever tirade she had been preparing for the older woman, pointing to where Emma was sat in the front of the truck and then back to Alyssa in her own car.

Alyssa tried to sink further into the seat, not wanting to have any part in whatever her mom was saying.

Emma’s grandma’s face had hardened the minute she’d seen Mrs Greene walk up, and she was staring back at her with a steely gaze, stepping protectively in front of the truck.

Alyssa knew her mom was good at winning arguments, usually talking whoever it was into submission, but she suspected that Betsy Nolan would be able to hold her own against the other woman just fine. 

Before long, Mrs Greene turned on her heel and walked back in Alyssa’s direction, shaking her head as she went. 

Alyssa hid a smile at the thought that her mom might’ve just been put in her place, covering her mouth with her hand as her mother opened the car door and sat down into the driver’s seat.

‘That woman!’ Mrs Greene began, ‘The absolute nerve of her. I was simply trying to explain to her why it was inappropriate for her granddaughter to be sharing a tent with another girl given her- well her _persuasion_ , and she wouldn’t listen to me. Told me to take my views and well, I won’t repeat it because it was too rude.’

Alyssa stared blankly ahead, waiting for her mom to finish her rant. She knew there wasn’t any point in trying to reply, given that her mom was prone to steamrolling through any interjection that Alyssa made and ploughing on with what she was saying.

‘Honestly,’ Mrs Greene continued, ‘I just don’t understand why the school has to cater to her so much. That- that girl and her beliefs are-‘

‘Her name is Emma, mom,’ Alyssa said quickly, cutting her mother off before she could say anything else wildly offensive or just straight up rude about Emma.

It was really getting to her the way her mom was refusing to say Emma’s name, like by not saying it, she didn’t have to treat her as an equal. It wasn’t fair.

‘Yes, well whatever her name is, it doesn’t matter. The school was wrong for what they put you through and I’m going to make sure that nothing like that can ever happen to anyone else again. I expect...’

Alyssa tuned out as her mom started the car and pulled out of the parking lot, drowning out the tirade of homophobia disguised as religious beliefs with thoughts of Emma and if she’d ever see her again.

It was a stupid thought, of course she’d see her again. They went to the same school and she was pretty sure that Emma was in some of her classes, but she didn’t just want to see Emma in passing in the halls.

She wanted to hang out with Emma, goof around with Emma, talk for hours on end about meaningless stuff with Emma, she wanted to-

‘Alyssa honey, grab your bag out the back,’

She blinked, realising that they’d arrived home without her realising, too caught up in thoughts of a certain blonde.

She picked up her bag and walked towards her house, her feet taking her up to her room as quickly as they could.

She knew her mom would have a thousand more things to say about her weekend, but for the moment all she wanted was to be alone. 

She slung her bag on the floor and flopped onto her bed, enjoying how comfy the mattress felt after 3 days of sleeping on the hard ground. 

She lay there for a moment, trying to organise her thoughts, images of Emma floating round and round in her brain. 

She shook her head, desperately trying to think of literally anything else, but all thoughts seemed to lead back to the other girl.

Thoughts of school seemed to lead back to what classes she would see Emma in, thoughts of her outstanding assignments led back to thoughts of if whether Emma had completed them yet, and what she’d thought of them. Thoughts of the trip led back to thoughts of Emma, facing Alyssa in the dim light of the tent, leaning in, her eyes sparkling behind her broken glasses, her chest rising and falling rapidly.

It all made Alyssa’s head hurt.

She got up, deciding to unpack her bag in an attempt to distract herself.

She pulled out her pyjamas and some other clothes from the weekend, freezing when her fingers brushed against a familiar, soft material.

She gently pulled Emma’s hoodie out of her bag, figuring she must have shoved it in there in her panic to pack as quickly as possible the night before.

She’d tried to give it back to Emma after the first night, but the other girl had refused, telling Alyssa to keep it for the whole trip.

She’d played it off as being grateful for it so that so she could keep warm, but really, she enjoyed the feeling of having something that was Emma’s, something that someone had cared enough about her to give her.

Before she could stop herself, she was slipping the hoodie over her head, the unmistakable scent of Emma overwhelming her as soon as she did. 

She smiled, burrowing down into it, the sleeves hanging long over her hands. 

God, she missed Emma. 

She’d only seen her the day before, but somehow it felt like months since they’d last spoken, and she really missed her. 

She couldn’t believe that before Friday, she’d never spoken to the girl before. Now she couldn’t imagine her life without her. 

The hoodie was warm, and its smell was comforting, as though Emma was there holding her. 

She briefly wondered what it would be like to wake up in Emma Nolan’s arms, just as had Emma had done in hers on Sunday morning. 

She was still processing her feelings from that.

She’d initially felt embarrassed to still be holding the other girl when she woke up, but the minute that Emma looked up at her, a grateful look shining in her eyes, she knew that she wouldn’t change anything about it for the world.

And selfishly, she knew that it was the best night’s sleep she’d had in a long time. 

She’d been almost disappointed when Emma had sat up, the loss of her body heat making her feel immediately cold. 

She still longed to feel that heat now, feel the weight of Emma’s head in her chest. The feeling of utter peace and comfort, and the knowledge that the other girl was safe in her arms. 

She walked back over to her bed, lying down again and staring up at the ceiling.

She hugged her arms to her chest, trying to take some comfort in the warmth of the hoodie, the simulated feeling of being held.

She sighed and closed her eyes, thinking back to what Emma had said the night before, before anything had happened.

_You can’t just choose to not feel how you feel._

She wished it was that easy. She wished she could go back to school tomorrow, back to her normal life, walking the halls flanked by Kaylee and Shelby talking animatedly about boys and their latest crushes and whatever gossip was making the rounds that day. 

She wished she could just shut that part of her off that kept thinking about Emma, thinking about the sparkle of her eyes, the dusting of freckles across her nose, the way her lips looked in the shadows of the tent lantern. 

But she knew there was no going back now, no matter how hard she wished.

Emma Nolan had entered her life 3 days ago and she knew that nothing would ever return to normal again.

And, if she was being truly honest with herself, with Emma by her side, she knew she’d never actually want to wish for normality again.

* * *

Emma stared up at the ceiling, squinting through the broken lens of her glasses at the glow in the dark stars she’d stuck there when she used to visit as a kid. 

Her gran had kept her room pretty much the same ever since she had started visiting, so when she’d moved in permanently it had already kind of felt like home. She was very grateful for that.

Her bag lay unpacked at the foot of her bed and she pulled her phone out of her pocket, chewing on her lip as she absentmindedly scrolled through her Instagram.

One tagged photo led to another and she somehow found herself on Alyssa’s profile, her finger hovering over the follow button.

She sat there for a few seconds, undecided, before moving her finger away and scrolling down instead.

She was sure that Alyssa wouldn’t mind her following her, after all, basically everyone in the school followed her on Instagram, but something made her stop before she could.

She stared at Alyssa’s posts, pictures of her at cheer practice, pictures of her with Kaylee and Shelby at some post-game party, pictures of her and her mom, Alyssa’s smile looking a bit more forced than it should have done.

She sighed. She didn’t blame Alyssa for what had happened, she couldn’t really. She knew it was all her mom’s fault.

She didn’t really know why she’d reacted the way she had when Mrs Greene had ordered Alyssa out of the tent, fear taking over and paralysing her there, hands shaking, with her knees pulled up to her chest, unable to even look in the other girl’s direction.

She supposed it was the fear of Mrs Greene entering the tent and catching Emma even thinking about looking in Alyssa’s direction. She couldn’t imagine the amount of shit she would have gotten for that.

She also didn’t want to make things worse for Alyssa. 

She knew that she was able to deal with everything that got thrown at her daily, but the last thing she wanted to do was involve Alyssa. Especially not after what she thought was about to happen right before they were interrupted. 

Her heart rate increased as she thought back to it, the way that Alyssa had been looking at her with a completely new look in her eyes, one that made the air around them both feel heavy, and made it hard for Emma to breathe. 

Her chest prickled as she remembered the way that Alyssa had seemed to move closer, some kind of magnetism making Emma move closer too, her eyes fluttering shut before she could stop them, the feeling of Alyssa’s breath on her lips sending shivers running up and down her spine.

She liked to think of herself as a pretty realistic person, she kind of had to be with the amount of shit she dealt with every day. 

But surely, _surely,_ Alyssa Greene, one of the most desirable girls in the school and Emma’s long time secret crush, hadn’t been about to kiss her? Like, that just wasn’t something that happened to people like Emma.

But at the same time, even her rational brain couldn’t make any sense of just what else it could have been. 

She massaged her temples, anticipating the headache that was sure to come as all the conflicting thoughts crashed around in her brain.

She scrolled over to her photos, opening them up to see the last picture that she had taken. 

It was of the beach at sunset on the day that Alyssa had taken her out into the ocean, the sun turning the water a dazzling orange.

It was taken from the top of the path to the beach, giving her a vantage point to take in the beach, the sea, and the setting sun.

In the corner, Alyssa was visible, facing back towards the sea, the setting sun causing a halo-like effect around her. 

She looked angelic, and Emma’s heart ached. You couldn’t even see her face, but Emma knew that Alyssa was smiling, remembering how she’d told her that sunset was her absolute favourite time of day.

Emma had agreed at the time, happy to go along with whatever Alyssa had said without thinking too much into it.

Looking back though, she knew that from now on she would forever associate the sunset with Alyssa.

Whatever happened, whether she ever spoke to Alyssa again, whether the other girl ignored her in the hallways or not, she would always think of Alyssa when she saw the setting sun.

She would always think of her face in the golden light, eyes glinting and cheeks rosy as they floated together in the ocean. 

She may never speak to her again, but at least she’d had Alyssa Greene for the weekend. And she could honestly say that, while it lasted, it had been one of the happiest weekends of her life.

* * *

She was gay.

She was Alyssa Greene, she was nearly 18, she was from Edgewater, Indiana, she was head cheerleader, head of the student council, and future valedictorian.

And she was pretty sure she was a lesbian. And that was okay.

She had been labelled with so many things throughout her life, mainly by her mother, so why should one more label be any different? 

Especially because it was a label that she had chosen for herself, and one that actually, after a lot of self-reflection, she was getting to be comfortable with.

She wasn’t completely there yet, she knew that, but she knew she was taking the first steps towards allowing herself to feel how she’d wanted to feel for years.

How she’d wanted to feel when her best friend, Jess, had moved states in 7th grade and she’d cried for weeks and weeks without really knowing why, or how she’d wanted to feel when she wished she could be just like all of her female teachers when she was in middle school, her admiration for them sometimes feeling a bit too much to bear.

And most importantly, how she’d wanted to feel that night in the tent, when Emma had looked at her with such intensity that she’d felt powerless to do anything but start to lean in.

She would give anything to just be able to see Emma again and-

‘Earth to Alyssa? Are you even listening to what I’m saying??’

Alyssa’s head snapped round to find Kaylee staring at her, an annoyed look on her face.

‘Huh?’ she said, realising that she’d somehow forgotten to listen to the whole conversation that had been going on around her at the lunch table.

Kaylee rolled her eyes and Shelby jumped in instead, ‘We were asking what the hell happened with you and Greg. He said you went psycho on him or something because he played some dumb prank on the lesbo.’

Alyssa flinched at the last word, trying desperately to think of some excuse as to why she had acted that way towards Greg. 

‘She hasn’t like, turned you or anything?’ asked Kaylee, wrinkling her nose at the statement as Alyssa’s heart dropped in her chest.

‘What?!’ Alyssa said, maybe a bit too quickly, ‘No, no way! I just- look guys I never actually liked Greg that much, so I was just trying to get rid of him. He was- he was being way too handsy and calling me baby and stuff and I was just done with it.’

It wasn’t exactly a lie, but she felt immediately guilty for missing out the part where she’d mainly done it to stand up for Emma, rather than to protect herself. 

She didn’t want to be ashamed of being friends with Emma, but she also wasn’t quite ready for her friends’ reactions if she expressed even the slightest liking for the other girl.

And she definitely couldn’t risk them finding out about her being gay. Not right now at least, not until she was ready.

That was a whole world of shit she definitely wasn’t prepared for yet.

Kaylee and Shelby seemed to buy the excuse, their body language immediately changing into something more sympathetic.

‘Oh my god, ‘Lyssa,’ cooed Kaylee, ‘why didn’t you tell us?’

‘Yeah,’ echoed Shelby, ‘we definitely wouldn’t have tried to get you two together if we knew you didn’t like him. Besides like, I’m all for a guy being touchy, but like, only with my consent y’know.’

Alyssa nodded along, breathing a sigh of relief that she was safe for now. 

She glanced up as Shelby changed the subject onto what she was going to get Kevin for his birthday, her heart jumping as she saw a flash of blonde hair moving quickly down the corridor outside of the cafeteria.

She hadn’t seen Emma all week, and she’d been waiting for any opportunity to speak to her, even a brief one where maybe she could give her her number in passing or something.

She wasn’t even sure it was her, but it was as good an opportunity as any.

She stood up suddenly from the table, drawing the eyes of her friends to her immediately.

‘Shit, um, I just realised I was supposed to be tutoring some freshmen this lunchtime in the library.’ she said quickly, grateful that she had so many extracurricular activities to choose from when it came to picking one for an excuse. 

‘I’ll catch you guys later,’ she added, speed walking away from the table before anyone really had any time to react, dumping her leftovers in the trash and walking out of the cafeteria in the same direction as the flash of blonde hair.

* * *

Emma settled onto the old crate of music books, placing her guitar onto her lap and rolling her shoulders to get more comfortable.

She sneezed, the dust from the band closet always seeming to set off her allergies, but she didn’t mind, seeing as it was one of the only places in the school she could go without being harassed.

It was nice to have time on her own, even if most if that time was spent sneezing.

She picked each of the strings, checking the tuning, before placing her fingers carefully onto the fretboard.

She was just about to begin playing when the door to the band closet flew open, startling her and make her tip backwards over the crate, dropping her guitar in the process.

‘Jesus fucking- Alyssa??’

The other girl stood sheepishly in the doorway, a shy smile on her lips, and Emma felt her head begin to spin.

She hadn’t seen Alyssa all week and suddenly being in her presence again was making her lightheaded.

‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to um..’ Alyssa said as Emma scrambled onto her feet from where she was still sat on the floor, checking her guitar was okay before placing it carefully against the wall.

A faint blush grew on Alyssa’s cheeks and Emma had to fight to stop herself from smiling at the sight.

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, and honestly, whoever _they_ were, Emma totally agreed with them in that moment. 

She wasn’t sure how she’d survived so long without seeing Alyssa.

‘How did you find me?’ she asked, curiosity getting the better of her now that her initial shock was fading away. 

‘I uh, I followed you.’ Alyssa said, looking at the floor, ‘I haven’t seen you all week and I thought I saw you from the cafeteria so I, um, decided to follow you.’

Emma stared at her, struggling to believe that Alyssa had gone out of her way to find her- that Alyssa had wanted to see her again.

‘Well,’ she said softly, ‘you found me.’

Alyssa smiled gently, a faint dimple appearing on her cheek that made Emma’s stomach flip. 

There was a pause, as if neither of them really knew what to say now that they were together again, before Alyssa said, ‘You got your glasses fixed.’

‘Yeah,’ replied Emma, her hand coming up to fiddle with them self-consciously, ‘Gran wasn’t super pleased about it, but it wasn’t my fault so...’

She trailed off, and another silence fell over the room. Emma looked up at Alyssa, trying to read the expression on her face.

It looked like she was processing something, like she was unsure about what she was going to say next. Emma felt like she could see the cogs in her head turning.

She picked at a loose thread on her flannel as Alyssa took a tentative step forward.

‘Em, can we talk?’

Emma’s heart sank. She knew what this was about, it couldn’t possibly be about anything else.

She wanted to beat Alyssa to it.

‘It’s okay, Lys, I get it.’ she said, a sad smile on her face.

‘You do?’ Alyssa said, seeming surprised.

‘Yeah, I understand. I know what you’re gonna say- you have your image to maintain and we travel in totally different social circles and-‘

‘No, Emma wait.’

‘And, well I guess actually I don’t really have a social circle to travel in but I get it, I really do. I wouldn’t want you to have to deal with all the shit that gets thrown at me. Also like, your mom hates me so-‘

‘No, that’s not-‘

‘So, I guess it wouldn’t really work out trying to hang out after school, even if you did want to hang out with me which I guess you-‘

‘Emma’

‘You actually maybe wouldn’t even want to do, so I’m not sure why I said that. But honestly I understand completely and I just wanted-‘

‘EMMA!’

Emma stopped, eyes wide as Alyssa stepped forward, raising her voice. 

‘Can you just-‘ Alyssa continued, taking a few more steps until she was face to face with Emma.

Emma’s eyes traced the outline of Alyssa’s face framed by her curls, trying to commit every part of it to memory, just in case she never got to be this close to her again.

There was a new look shining in Alyssa’s eyes, one that Emma felt herself drawn to, unable to look away.

The air around them suddenly felt thick, and Emma watched as Alyssa swallowed nervously. 

She felt paralysed, unable to move, unable to speak, just waiting for what Alyssa would say next.

Alyssa opened and closed her mouth a few times as if unsure what to say, never breaking eye contact with Emma.

‘I- I just need-‘ she said shakily, as though she was having trouble processing the words, just as Emma was having trouble processing what she was trying to say while she was standing so distractingly close.

Alyssa’s eyes flickered briefly down to her lips, and Emma felt her heart jump into her throat, powerless to stop her own gaze from dropping to Alyssa’s.

Alyssa took a deep breath, Emma’s heart feeling like it was about to beat out of her chest. 

‘I need- well, I need-‘

Alyssa never finished the sentence, instead stepping fully into Emma’s space, cupping her cheek and pulling her in until their lips met.

Emma’s brain shut down, every logical thought disappearing the minute she felt Alyssa’s lips on hers, only jump starting for a brief moment to remind her to kiss back.

Alyssa’s lips moved against hers gently, Emma falling deeper under their spell the longer they kissed, her head spinning and her chest aching.

Alyssa tasted like strawberry lip gloss and something else, something so intoxicating that Emma was finding it hard to focus.

All she could see and think and feel was Alyssa Greene.

Her hands flailed in the air for a moment before finding purchase on Alyssa’s waist, pulling the other girl closer in a moment of boldness until their bodies were flush against each other.

She felt Alyssa smile against her lips, and she felt herself smiling too as Alyssa gently pulled back. 

Emma kept her hands on her waist while Alyssa locked her arms around Emma’s neck, giving her a shy smile, her cheeks bright red.

‘I’m sorry,’ she said quietly, ‘was- was that okay?’

Emma mirrored her smile, a feeling of total happiness buzzing in her chest.

‘Yeah,’ she breathed, and Alyssa looked relieved, ‘it was more than okay.’

Alyssa looked down bashfully before making eye contact with Emma, brushing a blonde curl out of her face gently in a way that made Emma’s knees feel weak.

‘I’ve wanted to do that since the beach.’ she said softly, and Emma’s eyes went wide.

‘Y-you have?’ she asked shyly, not quite believing that Alyssa would ever want to kiss her, even after what had just happened.

‘Yeah,’ Alyssa said, leaning her forehead gently against Emma’s, ‘I just- I’ve never met anyone like you Emma. I- I really like you. Just in case that wasn’t clear.’

Emma blinked back tears, trying desperately to act cool in a moment that was making her want to sob, ‘Alyssa, I’ve liked you for like, forever.’

A gentle smile spread across Alyssa’s face and Emma felt the beginnings of something taking root in her chest, something too early to name, but something that she had a feeling she knew exactly what it was.

‘So, just to check, you weren’t coming here to tell me that we can’t hang out anymore?’ Emma said playfully, pulling back slightly, and Alyssa laughed.

‘Definitely not, kinda the opposite actually.’ Alyssa took a deep breath, ‘I uh, I’m not sure how it’s gonna work out with my friends and my mom but, but I’d really like to spend more time with you Emma. I just- I’m not sure if I’m ready for them to know yet.’

Emma smiled softly at her, ‘We’ll figure it out. Whatever you need, we’ll figure it out.’

She understood. She knew what Alyssa would be facing if she even thought about coming out, or associating herself with Emma in any way, and she didn’t want that for the other girl.

If anything, she wanted to protect her from it for as long as possible. She would do anything to protect Alyssa, even if that meant keeping this a secret for the time being.

‘Would you maybe want to- to come over later?’ She asked shyly, avoiding Alyssa’s gaze just in case she was about to be rejected. ‘We could uh, we could talk more then and try and figure something out?’

‘Will your, um, will your gran be there?’ Alyssa asked, worry flashing through her eyes.

‘Yeah but, uh, she can keep a secret. If I ask her not to, she won’t tell. She’s kept enough for me.’ Emma replied reassuringly.

She trusted her gran with her life, and she knew that if she liked Alyssa as much as Emma thought she would, Betsy would have no problem in protecting her too. Just like she’d always protected Emma.

Emma held her breath as Alyssa studied her, seemingly thinking the idea over.

‘Okay,’ she said eventually, ‘I have cheer practice, but I could come over at 5? I’ll tell my mom I’m going to Shelby’s.’

Emma felt like punching the air, unable to contain the grin that was spreading across her face.

Alyssa mirrored it, her hands moving to play with the hairs on the back of Emma’s neck as she looked up at Emma through her eyelashes. 

They stood like that for a moment, basking in each other’s company, and the fact that they could finally be alone, together.

Emma didn’t think she’d be able to look away from Alyssa if she tried.

‘I uh, I have your hoodie in my locker if you want it back,’ Alyssa said shyly, breaking the silence.

‘Keep it,’ said Emma with a smile, ‘you looked better in it anyway.’

She saw a faint blush creeping onto Alyssa’s cheeks.

‘I was hoping you’d say that,’ Alyssa said smiling softly, and Emma was suddenly struck with the urge to kiss the sweet smile off her lips. 

A thought hit her.

‘How long is left of lunch?’ she asked.

Alyssa frowned, untangling one hand from Emma’s hair to pull her phone out of her pocket.

‘Like 20 minutes, why?’

Emma smiled again, taking Alyssa’s hand and guiding it back up to her shoulder, suddenly feeling bold.

‘Would you maybe wanna spend the rest of it in here with me?’ 

Alyssa caught on to what she was implying, immediately stepping closer so that she was nose to nose again with Emma.

She bit her lip, drawing Emma’s eyes there as she tangled her hands back into the back of her hair.

Before she could even process what she was doing, Emma pulled her closer with the hands still on her hips, connecting their lips again.

Alyssa sighed into the kiss and Emma’s chest filled with butterflies as their lips moved languidly together, both exploring and getting to know each other a little better.

By the time the bell rang to signal the end of lunch, they were both breathless, their lips swollen and their cheeks red, smiling dopily at each other.

Alyssa grabbed her bag from where she’d dropped it on the floor at some point, placing one last gentle kiss to Emma’s lips before moving to the door. 

‘I’ll see you later?’ she said, hands trying to tame her curls into something that looked a little less like she’d just been making out in a closet.

‘Yeah,’ said Emma with a grin, ‘see you then.’

Alyssa paused, hand on the door handle as she turned back to look at Emma.

‘Thank you,’ she said softly, her face earnest.

‘For what?’ Emma asked, furrowing her brow.

‘For helping me find myself again.’ Alyssa said simply before turning and opening the door, Emma smiling fondly after her.

She watched as Alyssa left, flashing her a quick smile before she closed the door.

She sat back down on the crate, taking a few minutes to process what had just happened.

Her heart was still beating rapidly in her chest, and her head felt light, and for the first time, in what felt like the longest time, she was feeling pure joy.

She shook her head, chuckling to herself.

Sure, she still hated camping, but maybe going on that trip hadn’t been the worst.

She would have to thank her gran later. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there we have it!! I hope you guys enjoyed, and again, thank you so much for all your support and love! I love you all very very much!! This is it for camping!Emma and Alyssa rn but maybe they will be back at some point in the future, bc I have grown very fond of them.
> 
> This is probably me signing off until 2021 now, so I hope y'all have a good holiday period and that you're staying safe!! I'll be back on my bullshit in january probably, so look out for me then! Until then, I'll still be over at nodressrehearsal on tumblr if you wanna come scream at me!
> 
> Also feel free to check out my other work if you fancy, and I'm always down to know what you guys think in the comments!!! Catch you all later!


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